Dumb Customers

1PM System Overload

CSR on phone: Help desk, this is James*.
[pause] CSR: I am sorry, this is the PC and phone help desk. Sounds like you need the facilities help desk if a toilet is stopped up.
[pause] CSR: Okay sir, I understand, but you need facilites, not the help desk.
[long pause] CSR: Okay, is it a Windows toilet or a Unix toilet?
Customer, now on speakerphone: Well, there are no windows in this bathroom, so I guess it must be a Unix toilet.
CSR: Okay, I will get a Unix toilet specialist there as soon as we can. Which building and bathroom is it?
[pause] CSR: Thanks.
[CSR hangs up] CSR back on phone: Hello, facilities? This is James at the PC help desk. Yeah, I have a doozy for you…try not to laugh…

730 International Parkway
Richardson, Texas

Overheard by: El Gee

A Career in Bioethics Is Waiting for You!

Auto salesman: When are you due?
Young woman: Two weeks. I can’t wait for this to be over.
Auto salesman: This is just the beginning! The baby is much more work.
Young woman: No, I mean, I can’t wait to not be such a fatass. I hate fat people.
Auto salesman: Uh-huh.
Young woman: Can you imagine how many people get abortions because they don’t want to be fat?
Auto salesman, after long pause: I can honestly say that no, I cannot imagine that.

Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Purely horrified

Error! Error! Does…Not…Compute…Error!

Female customer: Excuse me, what is this?
Guy behind counter: It’s gazpacho soup.
Female customer: But it’s cold.
Guy behind counter: It’s supposed to be served chilled.
Female customer: But you said it was soup.

Hospital cafeteria
New York, New York

Like All the Terrorists Have Agreed to Do

Older gentleman at counter: So, if my application is approved for the remote entry program, I can enter the U.S. after hours?
Customs officer: Yes, sir.
Older gentleman: But what’s with this border passport requirement?
Customs officer, uncomfortable: The remote entry pass is for when the port is closed, sir. You will still need a passport to enter when we are open.

Customs office, Northern Border

‘Yiddish’ Is Jew-Speak for ‘Fuck You, Jesus Boy’

WASP: I know what that says! It’s written in Jewish!
Bagel wench: Yiddish?
WASP: Are you Jewish?

Noah’s Bagels, Manhattan Beach Boulevard
Manhattan Beach, California

Overheard by: just wants to make bagels in peace

The Aisles Only Go Up to 13.

Saleslady to woman: How may I help you?
Woman: Hi, I'm looking for something specific.
(45 seconds of silence)
Saleslady: Aisle 14.

Victor, New York

Overheard by: Yikes!

Make Sure They Put It in a Box

Pizza worker: Hello, XYZ Pizza* — will this be for pick up or delivery?
Customer: Delivery, but we will come in to pay for it.
Pizza worker: Pardon me? Do you want your order delivered or will you pick it up?
Customer, to someone in background: Do you want to just pick the food up if we are going in there anyways? [Into phone] I guess we will pick the food up.

Lackawanna, New York

We Stopped That Whole “Give Us Your Poor, Your Tired…” Thing Ages Ago

Receptionist: No, sir. No, I don't know where you heard that. (pause) No, our judges cannot issue you a new Green Card over the phone.

Baltimore, Maryland

Personally, I Mastered the Whole Fork-to-Mouth Thing over a Year Ago

Blonde: Oh, you can’t make the appointment tomorrow?
Older lady: No, I have a rehearsal dinner tomorrow.
Blonde: Oh, wow! What play are you in?
Older lady: No, a rehearsal dinner is for a wedding.
Blonde: Oh! … Why do you have to rehearse dinner?

Westport Road
Louisville, Kentucky

Overheard by: Glad I’m not blonde

Could You Slowly Narrate the Act Of Pulling It Out?

Caller, after lengthy pause: Sorry, I’m just unplugging the computer.
Tech support: That’s ok. I just pretend I’m getting one of those heavy breathing calls.

Memphis, Tennessee

© 2026 OverheardinTheOffice.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist