Customer, trying to use his debit card: I gotta push “English”? “Spanish” shouldn’t be an option. If they can’t speak no English, they ain’t got no business being here. Where’s the “yes” button at?
Cashier: It’s the button that says “yes” on it.
Food Lion
Roanoke, Virginia
Older man checking in at resort: Do I sign where it says “signature”?
Hilton Head Island, South Carolina
CSR: So you’d like to rent a 12 foot stepladder?
Customer: Yes…How big is that?
CSR: Well, it’s about 12 feet, sir.
Customer: I can strap that on top of a cab, right?
533 Canal Street
New York, NY
Spikey-haired waiter: I'll be right back with your check.
Cranky old man: I hope all his hair falls out!
Wife: Calm down!
Cranky old man: It's a fad!
(spikey-haired waiter brings check)
Cranky old man: Oh! Mints!
Kalamazoo, Michigan
Customer: Can you put directions for the delivery man on the label?
CSR: Sure.
Customer: Tell him to give it to me through the back door.
CSR: The back door?
Customer: Yeah.
473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon
Caller: I can’t seem to log into my account.
CS rep: Have you entered your username and password into the login fields?
Caller: Yes, I have.
CS rep: Okay now press the enter key.
Caller: Where’s the enter key?
Earthlink Customer Service
San Jose, California
Woman: Hand me one of those magazines.
Man: Gourmet?
Woman: No.
Man: Newsweek?
Woman: No.
Man: Time?
Woman: No. [Looks at kids’ table.] What about that table over there?
Man: Well, there’s Highlights…
Woman: Okay, grab those. [Begins working on puzzles.] What’s hollow — a lute, a sponge, or a jar?
Man: Lute.
Woman: No, sponge.
Man: You can’t see through a sponge.
Teen nearby: Can’t see through a wall, either, and it’s hollow.
Man: True. Got a point there. Must be a sponge.
Woman: Okay, it’s a sponge.
Waiting area, Forensic and Mental Health Services
Hamilton, Ohio
Overheard by: Kim
Employee: Can I help you find something?
Customer: I’m looking for a red wine.
Employee: Cabernet, pinot noir, shiraz?
Customer: No, I want a red wine.
1017 East Main Street
Radford, Virginia
Associate: You need something?
Woman: Yeah, maybe you know. Which are the nails they used to crucify Christ with?
Associate: … Uh, maybe these?
Woman: Right. I don’t think those are the ones I’m looking for, but you’re on the right track.
Home Depot
Virginia
Overheard by: Sara
Tech: Are you all set on the pdf server now?
Client: Yes, I think so. Is it supposed to be so fugging slow uploading pdfs onto the ftp site?
Tech: Yup! That’s a feature.
Client: Neat. Thanks.
111 South 1st Avenue
Wausau, Wisconsin
