Attorney: Do you have an extra pen I can have?
Receptionist: Sure.
Attorney (writing with pen): Actually, I'm kind of suspicious of this pen. I'll just go get one of my own.
Hall of Justice Building
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Liz
Attorney: Do you have an extra pen I can have?
Receptionist: Sure.
Attorney (writing with pen): Actually, I'm kind of suspicious of this pen. I'll just go get one of my own.
Hall of Justice Building
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Liz
Coworker, about getting drunk: I have a vacation day, so I'm going to abuse it. And myself.
Bayonne, New Jersey
Woman: Yeah, he was the 12 year one night stand. (pause) God, I can't even be a ho right!
Warrenville Road
Downers Grove, Illinois
Overheard by: Jeny
Finnish pilot, bragging about finland: The education system in finland is extremely good, plus you don't have to spend a single penny starting from kindergarten to university. The healthcare system is the best, the rate crime is extremely low, and the government really takes care of the citizens. Oh the people also really know how to have fun! This is why many people, most particularly women, want to marry us, finnish guys, so they can move to finland and get all the benefits. Finland is the best country in the world.
Bored flight attendant: So why did you leave finland?
Finnish pilot: The taxes are too high.
On a flight to Dhaka, Bangladesh
Overheard by: Would you like a cup of shut the fudge up, capt?
Drone #1: What language do they speak in Pakistan?
Drone #2: They're Arabs. They speak Arabic.
Drone #3: No, I think they're Indian, so they speak Indian.
Drone #1: But don't they have, like, a lot of languages in India? I need to know, because I'm writing about Pakistan in a script.
Van Nuys, California
Coworker No, no. He is not retarded. He is just a creepy Bastard.
Elyria, Ohio
Underling: How big is yours?
Team lead: I don’t know, let’s see.
(pause)
Team lead: Man, that’s big!
Underling: If you think that’s big, that makes mine huge.
Team lead: Really? Let’s see it.
Underling: Okay.
(pause)
Team lead: Wow. You weren’t kidding.
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Overheard by: Jonathan
Professor: We need this paper to be huge! I want people to fear us when we go to meetings… We need to be like male elephants!
Grad student #1: You want me to grow tusks?
Grad student #2: You want me to grow big ears?
Professor: No! We need to pee all over everything!
Johns Hopkins University
Baltimore, Maryland
Overheard by: LabCat
CSR: There’s this guy from a correctional facility who keeps on calling and asking for us to do three-way with him and his fiancée.
New Canton Way
Robbinsville, New Jersey
Overheard by: office peon’s office moved
Sales guy #1: … or you know it could send to your POP3.
Sales guy #2: Don’t pretend like you know what you’re talking about.
Sales guy #1: At least I had a term. Where’s your term, motherfucker?!
Bonner Springs, Kansas
