Sales exec: I will beat you to death with your own umbrella.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Heather
Sales exec: I will beat you to death with your own umbrella.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Heather
Manager: I'm so stressed I'm going to jump out of the 5th floor window.
Coworker: It's not high enough. You'd need to go to at least the 7th to ensure death.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Insurance company boss on phone: Let's put it in a more practical sense: your mom dies…
White Plains, New York
Secretary: Isn't he the one that died?
File clerk, busy typing: Yes.
Secretary: Oh. Okay, well, I won't send the e-mail to him, then.
File clerk, mumbling while typing: Wow.
Riverside, California
Boss on phone: You're not going to die. Canada's not that much.
Chicago, Illinois
Professor: How are you today?
PhD student: I'm not dead.
College Park, Maryland
Coworker, arguing against gun regulations: They say that easy access to guns leads to mass killings. Well, there's easy access to prostitutes but I don't have syphilis. I restrain myself.
Nashville, Tennessee
Female coworker #1: Ohmigod, my plant's dead…
Female coworker #2: I can't believe you whined and complained for months about how you didn't get a “new hire plant” like everyone else, and when you get one… a week later it's dead because you don't water it.
Female coworker #3: I heard all these plants are responsibility tests. If you kill the plant, you're gone.
Boss over intercom to coworker #1: Report to my office immediately.
Female coworker #2: He knows about the plant.
Female coworker #1: Fuck.
McKinney, Texas
