Death

Coworker, preparing to go to cemetery: I need a go-to funeral dress.

Dallas, Texas

Clerk #1: You hear about that guy who got choked to death by his pet python?
Clerk #2: Yeah, apparently the snake had choked him in the past, but never killed him before.

Omaha, Nebraska

Overheard by: Doug's Mom

Engineer on phone, in happy voice: Kevin! Congratulations! (pause, then in sad voice) Oh… my condolences.

Fishkill, New York

Overheard by: Bored Engineer

Secretary: Nothing we do here is worth death.

Decorah, Iowa

Overheard by: It's True

Lady in elevator: And then I laid there and thought about what I'd do if he really killed someone.

Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Rachel

Coworker to another: I was going to get you back by putting your phone in the fridge. However, I opened that fridge… and it was like death in there.

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

IT director, leaving: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the storage room trying to hang myself. I can't deal with this shit anymore.

Kansas City, Missouri

Frustrated office dweller: Die, die, die! Poke you in the eye!

West Perth
Australia

Overheard by: IT Guru

Programmer #1: But I'd have a justified reason to kill you.
Programmer #2: Huh?
Programmer #1: You punched a kitten.

Adelaide
Australia

Assistant: I think we put poison in her office before.

Washington, DC