Assistant: I think we put poison in her office before.
Washington, DC
Assistant: I think we put poison in her office before.
Washington, DC
Sales exec: I will beat you to death with your own umbrella.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Heather
Server #1: So he deals drugs to kids?
Server #2: Well… Indirectly.
Los Angeles, California
Coworker to boss: If we go to jail for this, I better be your girlfriend, because I don't think I could handle it on my own.
Albany, New York
Officer #1: Yeah, man, I'm not going to pull someone over for talking on their cell phone, because I talk on my cell phone while driving.
Officer #2: For sure, I ain't gonna pull someone over for speeding, cause I speed all over this place.
Officer #3: Right, why would I pull someone over for drunk driving, when I'm always drunk.
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Chatty McSailor Mouth
Tech looking for stylus: Have you seen my pokey thing?
Boss: Not even in prison did I see the pokey thing.
Midwest
Coworker, arguing against gun regulations: They say that easy access to guns leads to mass killings. Well, there's easy access to prostitutes but I don't have syphilis. I restrain myself.
Nashville, Tennessee
Drone: How do you get involved in the human organ market? Does someone just approach you and ask if you want to start selling kidneys?
Kingsville, Texas
Forklift driver on shipping dock to another: Dude, you know where you find god? In jail. That's where everyone finds him. He's not on the street, he's locked up!
Berkeley Heights, New Jersey
Resident #1: That man is such a bloody pain in the ass! We should just hit him in the head with his cane!
Resident #2: And then chain him to his bed so we don't have to see him anymore.
Resident #1: I'm in.
Resident #2: Me too. Right after I finish my tea.
Regina
Canadia
