Lady in elevator: And then I laid there and thought about what I'd do if he really killed someone.
Portland, Oregon
Overheard by: Rachel
Programmer #1: But I'd have a justified reason to kill you.
Programmer #2: Huh?
Programmer #1: You punched a kitten.
Adelaide
Australia
Woman #1 in charity shop: He was in here for a long time, behaving oddly, and the other chap kept coming in and whispering to him and I was worried they were gonna steal something.
Woman #2 in charity shop: So he wasn't?
Woman #1 in charity shop: No, he was having a panic attack and the other one was his carer.
Woman #2 in charity shop: What was wrong with him?
Woman #1 in charity shop: I think he may have been homophobic…
London
England
Assistant: I think we put poison in her office before.
Washington, DC
Sales exec: I will beat you to death with your own umbrella.
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: Heather
Server #1: So he deals drugs to kids?
Server #2: Well… Indirectly.
Los Angeles, California
Coworker to boss: If we go to jail for this, I better be your girlfriend, because I don't think I could handle it on my own.
Albany, New York
Officer #1: Yeah, man, I'm not going to pull someone over for talking on their cell phone, because I talk on my cell phone while driving.
Officer #2: For sure, I ain't gonna pull someone over for speeding, cause I speed all over this place.
Officer #3: Right, why would I pull someone over for drunk driving, when I'm always drunk.
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Chatty McSailor Mouth
Tech looking for stylus: Have you seen my pokey thing?
Boss: Not even in prison did I see the pokey thing.
Midwest
Coworker, arguing against gun regulations: They say that easy access to guns leads to mass killings. Well, there's easy access to prostitutes but I don't have syphilis. I restrain myself.
Nashville, Tennessee
