Co-worker: And I am not exaggerating, but my dog literally chewed my brush up into 75 million pieces.
6600 Campus Circle Drive E
Irving, Texas
Woman #1: So I went to Filene’s Basement last night, and I was–literally–raped, I spent so much money, got a bunch of stuff.
Woman #2: Ooh, what did you get?
24 North Street
Pittsfield, Massachusetts
Woman: Well, it’s time for me to go back to jail now.
3000 Washington Hall
West Point, New York
Co-worker: Well, if I am being stalked by phone, at least it’s by a funny stalker.
175 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Co-worker on phone: Huh? I’m stalking you? How do you know?
420 Lexington Avenue
New York, NY
Clerk: I saw you driving earlier, did you get your license back?
Customer: Yeah, it's all good now. If I could only stay out of the bar…
Clerk: You don't think there's a connection between those two things?
Customer: What do you mean?
Indianapolis, Indiana
Overheard by: BFS
Opposing counsel: Can you take a leap of faith and eliminate paragraph 6 of the Agreement?
Partner: I think it would be malpractice for me to do so.
Opposing counsel: Malpractice per se, no; but probably not very wise of you either.
Huntington, New York
Overheard by: Lady Lawyer
Rowdy male coworker: So the third time I went to jail, I was outside of this bank…
Train station
Bronxville, New York
Overheard by: Beth Ann
Girl #1: I hate our supervisor and her stupid flicky long hair.
Girl #2: I just want to go up to her and just cut her hair off.
Guy: I just want to cut her throat.
Girl #1: I would love to do that, but it's illegal.
Guy: So would cutting her hair, unless you were her hairdresser.
Girl #2: I can just see it now?
Guy: When you go to court?
Girl: When I cut her hair, I was actually aiming for her throat, for this, your honor, I am…
Together: Extremely sorry.
Sydney
Australia
Programmer #1: But I'd have a justified reason to kill you.
Programmer #2: Huh?
Programmer #1: You punched a kitten.
Adelaide
Australia
