Coworkers

12PM Follow Up with National (?)

Employee #1: I’ve talked to National and one group says we should be doing this procedure but another group doesn’t want us to do this procedure.
Employee #2: Hmm. You should follow up with National, then.
Employee #3: That’s what [Employee #1] has been talking about, her follow-up with National.
Employee #2: Oh. When was the last time you talked to them?
Employee #1: About two or three weeks ago.
Employee #2: Yeah, that’s too soon.

10 Almaden Boulevard
San Jose, California

Overheard by: Stealth Nerf

2PM Order Supplies

Worker #1: We’re out of toilet paper.
Worker #2: The supply closet is empty.
Worker #1: I think they’re stuffing their vaginal canals with it to smuggle some home.

215 South Country Road
Bellport, New York

12PM See If Jack Came

Man #1: Jack off today?
Man #2: No, not yet.

1 Air Cargo Parkway E
Swanton, Ohio

12PM Goodbye/Welcome Lunch

Supervisor: Be sure to meet in the large conference room for the intern’s goodbye lunch at noon.
Employee: Is [Andrew] leaving?
Supervisor: No, it’s for [Brenda], [Andrew]’s been hired full time, so no lunch.
Employee: Well, what about the new employee welcome lunch?
Supervisor: Okay, fine…it’s today at noon.

201 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington, DC

1PM Go Out to Lunch

Co-worker: Avoid the bathroom in about an hour, you-know-who just sat down to eat some pea soup.

1 International Plaza
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: courtesy flush

11AM Call Cable Guy

Co-worker #1: Come on, we need to go.
Co-worker #2: Hold on, my wife just called and asked me to call the
cable guy to cancel his appointment.
Co-worker #1: Why couldn’t she call him herself?
Co-worker #2: Dude, she’s at work.

408 C Street NE
Washington, DC

Apply Them Liberally to the Monitor

Worker #1: You know how you have stamps that say “faxed?”
Worker #2: Yeah.
Worker #1: Do you have one that says “E-mailed?”

420 Fifth Avenue
New York, NY

They’re Finally Gonna Cork That Pesky Volcano

Co-worker: Would you like a donut?
Enormous woman: No, thank you.
Co-worker: Why not? Are you on a diet or something?
Enormous woman: Actually, yes, I am on a diet. I am going on vacation to Hawaii at the end of the month and I have only six more pounds to lose until I reach my goal! I want to take a helicopter ride over Kilauea, but the helicopter company charges $100 more if you weigh more than 200 pounds. Hope they don’t weigh me on the spot since I am not sure I will be less than 200 pounds unless it’s in the morning, after I’ve had a pee, and I’m nude…Does anyone have any topics they’d like to add to the agenda for today?
Manager: Um…yeah, I do, but give me a minute.

560 McCarthy Boulevard
Milpitas, California

Overheard by: CW Slave

“Motherfiler” Somehow Sounds Even Worse

Co-worker: I need to file like a mofo.

11 W. 53 Street
New York, NY

I Hear They Chain Them to Their Workstations

Co-worker #1: Where’s our IT department out of?
Co-worker #2: Woodland Hills, the valley, by LA. Porn capital of the world. They work for us by day, and then by night…
Co-worker #1: Maybe that’s why they’re so cranky all the time. They don’t get any sleep at night.

50 Beale Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: Lewis Samuels

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