If Katie Holmes Can Turn Scientologist, Anything’s Possible

Male peon: You feeling better today, Jim*?
Jim: Yes.
Male peon: Well, you look a lot better. We were worried about you yesterday. You were turning white.
Jim: Yeah, that’s not a good sign when you’re a black man.

Newport News, Virginia

Posted on March 14, 2008
Comebacks, Coworkers, Default, Feelings, Health & Hygiene, Questions, Race, Virginia

Truman Didn’t Agree to Share Until the Chinese Forced the Issue

Employee #1: Hey, what’s there in your bag?
Employee #2: I’ve got some Korean salad…
Employee #1: May I–
Employee #2: –Nope, it’s only for me.

Toledo, Ohio

Overheard by: dieting

Posted on March 13, 2008
Comebacks, Default, Employees, Meals and Snacks, Offers and requests, Ohio

Um. By That I Mean That I Wrote Myself a Reminder to Give You the Information You Requested.

Manager: Oh my god, I swear. You are on my ‘To Do’ list.
Designer: … Somebody get HR on the horn.

Route 1 South
West Windsor, New Jersey

Overheard by: the amazing copywriter

Posted on March 7, 2008
Bosses, Comebacks, Default, Designers and Photographers, New Jersey, Possible Sexual Harassment, Words

Mom: I’m pretty worn out, actually.

Homeboy customer: Yo, gots any mothafuckin’ shelves?
Employee: Did he just say what I thought he said? [Coworker nods.]Homeboy customer: Yo, man! I said, I need some mothafuckin’ shelves fo’ my mothafuckin’ clothes!
Employee, pointing: Yeah, right down that mothafuckin’ aisle.

Home repair store
Whitehall, Pennsylvania

Posted on March 7, 2008
Comebacks, Customers, Default, Employees, Insults, Pennsylvania, Questions, Words

A Nighttime Visit by the Spirit of Dave Thomas Ignited His Passion for Fries

Manager: Are the fries ready yet?
Underling: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!

Wendy’s, Troy-Schenectady Road
Latham, New York

Overheard by: AndyfromLakewood

Posted on March 6, 2008
Bosses and Underlings, Comebacks, Default, Meals and Snacks, New York, Questions

“Night Sweats Are the Best Thing Since Dark Side of the Moon!” Raves Rolling Stone

Manager #1: These mood swings are driving me crazy. Everyone in my house is afraid of me. They are all walking on eggshells.
Manager #2: Menopause rocks.

365 West Passaic Street
Rochelle Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: cubicle right outside

Posted on March 6, 2008
Bosses, Comebacks, Default, Family, Feelings, Gripes, Health & Hygiene, New Jersey

You Should See Me Parallel Park It

Worker bee #1: So, what do you think of my new car?
Worker bee #2: I think it looks like an un-circumcised dick.
Worker bee #1: Are you saying it’s a cock wagon?
Worker bee #2: Dude, you couldn’t pick up bitches in that.

Corvallis, Oregon

Overheard by: bystander

Posted on March 5, 2008
Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Oregon, Questions

Just When I Thought Living in Jersey Couldn’t Get Any Crappier

Suit #1: That toilet has been clogged for two days now. Didn’t somebody call Property Management to fix it?
Suit #2: Yeah, they were called. Here comes Pete* from Property Management now. Check out the rubber gloves up to his elbows.
Suit #1: Hey, Pete, how’s it going?
Pete: Okay, I guess. Same shit, different day.

2nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer