Canadia

Pissed Off v. Pissed On (Worst Aesop’s Fable Ever)

A handicapped client has had to be restrained for assaulting a staff.

Co-worker #1: Your behaviour was completely out of line. You hit me, tried to bite me and pissed all over my leg. How would you like it if I pissed on you if I was angry at you?
Client: I wouldn’t like it.
Co-worker #1: Hey [Jake], when you are angry at your girlfriend, do you piss all over her and try to bite her?
Co-worker #2: No, I don’t. We talk things out and listen to each other. Why did you piss on us during the restraint?
Client: You guys were not listening to me.

2a Ormonde Avenue
St. Catharines, Ontario
Canadia

11AM Go Through Inbox

Manager: How’re you doing? You’re not overworked, are you? I’m not giving you too much to do, am I?
Worker-bee: No, I’m okay…
Manager: Good, because I’m just going to keep giving you stuff to do until you tell me to fuck off.

557 Church Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Mind Waiting Outside Looking Uncomfortable?

Coworker #1: Hey, want to go outside to smoke?
Coworker #2: Yeah, I need to hit the can first.
Coworker #1: I already went.
Coworker #2: That wasn't an invitation.

Waterloo
Ontario
Canadia

Freud: “See?”

Office girl: I can't stop thinking about that one-eyed monster that visits me in my dreams at night.

Brampton
Canadia

Customer Specify Outcomes; We Choose Methods

Creative director: You just have to e-mail him and say, “if you want this to work, you have to let us do it, you fucking idiot!” But don't say “idiot.” Just say “fucking… moron.” Yeah.

Ontario
Canadia

Life: Encapsulated.

Marketing guy to PR girl: You'd better go home and eat your asparagus and get some sleep, because we have to be up at the crack of shitty dawn tomorrow.

Ontario
Canadia

How Did the Milk Stay in the Shape Of a Man?

Grad student female: My dad's a mailman.
Grad student male: Really? Mine was a milkman.
Grad student female: There was a milkman?

Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: mike sereny

(She's Talking About His Penis!)

Office lady on phone: No, I'm not getting Dave to help… Hell, you know what men think six inches is!

British Columbia
Canadia

Canadians Necessarily Have a Low Excitement Threshold

IT nerd: The great thing about The Smurfs is that they at least would go on reasonably exciting adventures.

Calgary
Canadia

Nah, Managers Aren't Very Artistic.

Manager: Who did the paintings on the windows?
Cashier: Oh, Mary* and Yvette* did them last night.
Manager: I thought the retards were coming in to do them.

Ontario
Canadia

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