Coworker: I’m trying to open an email attachment and the virus software isn’t letting me because it says it has a virus. Can you come turn off the virus software so I can open it?
IT chick, shocked: No!
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Coworker: I’m trying to open an email attachment and the virus software isn’t letting me because it says it has a virus. Can you come turn off the virus software so I can open it?
IT chick, shocked: No!
Fredericton, New Brunswick
Canadia
Cashier: … And do you have your Hudson’s Bay credit card with you today?
Gangster #1: My what?
Cashier: HBC credit card. It’s gold.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man. I think so. Uhhh… Is this it?
Cashier: No, that’s your MasterCard. I’m looking for the HBC card, if you have it.
Gangster #1: Oh, yeah, man, HBC! They always be sendin’ me bills in the mail and shit, you know, and I don’t even know why!
Gangster #2: Dude, that’s HSBC. That’s the bank.
Gangster #1: Oh.
Gangster #2: You don’t even know the difference, do you?
Gangster #1: Not really. So, like, one has an S and one doesn’t have an S, right? Is that it?
Gangster #2: No, it’s completely different.
Gangster #1: Well, so what, man? I still gotta pay the bills whether it has an S or whether it don’t have an S, right?
Zellers Lansdowne Mall
Richmond, British Columbia
Canadia
Customer: I’m looking for a special kind of bead.
Bead store clerk: Okay, can you describe it?
Customer: Well, it’s flat and has four holes in it. I know there’s a name for them, but I just can’t remember it. You can sew them into clothing…
Bead store clerk: Do you mean a button?
Customer: Yes! Do you have buttons?
Bead store clerk: Um, no.
Newport Village
Port Moody, British Columbia
Canadia
Chinese immigrant driver: Everyone is talking about gay marriage. What is ‘gay’?
Lady driver: It’s, uh, when two men or two women like each other in a, uh, sexual way.
Chinese immigrant driver: Oh! We don’t have that in China.
Calgary International Airport Parkade
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: Girl Driver #2
Consultant on phone: When you fill out this skills assessment form you may find you have skills you don’t have.
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: Frumious Bandersnatch
Coworker: Any religion involving rams’ blood is fine by me.
Yaletown
Vancouver, British Columbia
Canadia
Overheard by: DaveM
Travel agent #1: I would go back there in a heartbeat. China was so awesome.
Travel agent #2: I heard that China was insane.
Travel agent #3: Any ugly girl wrestler has to be a little insane. I mean, Chyna was the craziest woman wrestler ever.
Travel agent #1: Ummm… yeah.
Jasper Avenue
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia
Girl #1: The lasagna I had for lunch was made funny. It had air in it.
Girl #2: How’d they get air in the lasagna?
Girl #1: I think it was after the layer of sauce.
Bay Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
Economics professor: Kick me in the rear. I like it.
University of Ottawa
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: my attention span is price inelastic
Bimbette #1: Like, what’s a millennium?
Bimbette #2: I think it’s, like, when the year changes or something.
Video store,
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia
Overheard by: A Thousand Years of Blondes
