California

Frustrated old man, walking away from service call button at Home Depot: Might as well hang an asshole up there and press that!

San Diego, California

Cube rat #1: My son asked me last night what happens if the President dies. Does the Vice President really take over? I wasn't sure what to tell him.
Cube rat #2: Yeah, I believe that is what happens, or maybe they hold another election to re-choose the President.
Cube rat #1: I guess it is hard to tell, since it has never happened before.
Cube rat #2: Yep.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Poking my eyes out

Boss to peon eating lunch: So my daughter finally pooped today. It's been at least a few days.
Peon #1, trying to ignore him: Wow. Cool.
Boss: Yeah, it wasn't anything huge like the one a few days ago, but at least she's pooping.
Peon #2: That's great to hear. My poor daughter has been at home with explosive diarrhea all week.
Peon #1: (tosses barely eaten lunch in the garbage and wordlessly walks away)

Sacramento, California

Resident office gay guy: I cant wait until I am pregnant.

Los Angeles, California

Intern, after eating free coffee cake: This tastes like grandma.

Sacramento, California

Salon receptionist: How can I help you?
Girl: I would like to schedule an appointment for acrylic nails.
Salon receptionist: Okay, can I get your first and last name?
Girl: Sure, it's Lindsay… (long pause) …I forgot the second question.

San Diego, California

Overheard by: Really…?!

Accounting guy: I dealt with it when he ran his hand down my leg and up my thigh. But I had to call it quits when he tweaked my nipple. That was a little much.

Santa Monica, California

Woman: My humidifier makes me feel sexy.

Costa Mesa, California

Overheard by: Cami

Jewish company principal: Why would you want to become Jewish?
Woman employee: It'll be fun!

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: The Gentile Temp

Interviewer: So what else can you tell about yourself?
Interviewee: I am a very hard worker and learnative.

Menlo Park, California