Yelling large lady in yellow shirt, entering bathroom: Dontcha wish you were a bird so you could just take a crap whenever ya wanted? (slams door) You could shit on the floor, on people's heads, never have to run and hope ya make it!
Temecula, California
Girl #1: I auditioned for Rent when I was in college.
Girls #2-#4, in a fit of hysterics: No way! Uh-uh! Whoa! (they shriek)
Girl #1: Yeah, I was living in New York that summer, and I mean, I just loved Aids! How could I not try out?
San Francisco, California
Coworker, returning from Walgreens: I just got my crazy pills! Oh, and I got Mentos.
San Francisco, California
Young receptionist: So what are you wearing to the party?
Older male boss: Depends.
El Dorado Hills, California
Cube dweller: This joint thing is confusing me. What's a joint?
La Jolla, California
Hotel guest: Do you have any forks?
Girl at front desk: Yeah, how many would you like?
Hotel guest: Two. But they're forks, right? Not sporks? You know what sporks are, right?
Girl at front desk: Yes, they're hybrid spoon/fork things.
Hotel guest: Yeah… Reminds me of when I was in prison.
Hawthorne, California
Overheard by: …what?
Religious coworker: I can probably get them to take your offer.
Religious owner: You're my best friend. You're trying to bump Jesus and Sandy out the way!
Office Hallway
San Diego, California
Overheard by: b.andre
Producer: I promise you, strawberry tastes better than ass.
Culver City, California
Overheard by: LaLa Land
Coworker: Gather more than five people together in one place, and odds are that at least one will be a shit-munching little crap-weasel.
Ventura, California
Overheard by: Tom
Female: Dude, did I tell you what happened the last time we ate here together?
Male little person: No, what?
Female: Sheila* saw us and said to me “Dude, I totally saw you eating lunch with a midget. What's up with that?”
Male little person: Ummmm, okay.
Female: But I said “Oh, I know I was totally with a midget, but he has the hugest cock ever. I've totally seen it.”
Male little person: Ummmm, okay. Thanks for the recommendation, I guess?
Female: She said she's going to call you.
Sacramento, California
