We Call It the Snowmobile

Ghetto coworker: My son loves his car, he says he wants to get buried in it. I tell him he’s crazy, but it is a really nice car. It’s an Oldsmobuick* convertible, cocaine white…
Not-so-ghetto coworker: Cocaine white?
Ghetto coworker: Yeah, you know that really pearly white color?
Not-so-ghetto coworker, sarcastically: Does it have meth-yellow trim?
Ghetto coworker, oblivious: No, just white. But I tell him he’s crazy, it would never work. When they put in the dirt it would cave in the roof!

Modesto, California

Overheard by: That’s not my job.

Posted on May 9, 2008
California, Colors, Coworkers, Death, Default, Feelings, Weirdness, Wishes, Words

Sometimes I Feel Like the Boss Has Finally Lost It

Office worker: So then he launches into this big spiel about how black dogs taste better than white dogs.

Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: matt

Posted on May 6, 2008
Animals, California, Colors, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Employees

That Explains Why Kitty Has Been Getting Home Late Every Night

Cat owner #1: So I went to the doctor yesterday, I asked him what was causing this rash on my forearms, he says, “It’s your cat”!
Cat owner #2: My cat?

Rosewood Drive
Pleasanton, California

Overheard by: Jimmybob

Posted on May 2, 2008
Animals, California, Default, Friends, General Idiocy, Health & Hygiene, Questions, Words

Like You Should Judge, Mr “ILuvKittens5”?

Coworker #1: So what’s your e-mail address?
Coworker #2: [Gives it to him.]Coworker #1: Cool… How did you choose that?
Coworker #2: Oh, it means “big fart” in Chinese…

Santa Rosa, California

Posted on May 1, 2008
California, Compliments, Coworkers, Default, Language barrier, Questions, Technology, Weirdness, Words

And What Exactly Did He Prove?

CFO: There has to be a way to gather that information.
Financial analyst: But what you are asking me to do is simply guessing. I don’t have tools to gather information that can’t be proven!
CFO: Hey! Socrates only had a stick and sand!

Fourth Street
Berkeley, California

Overheard by: dude

Posted on April 24, 2008
Bosses, California, Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Financial Folk, Offers and requests

Unless You Wish to Enter the Ranks of Ravaged Interns

Peon #1: But you don’t drink that coffee.
Peon #2: I just want something down my throat.
Peon #1: Oh, you shouldn’t say that.
Peon #2: I mean I just want something warm down my throat.
Peon #1: You shouldn’t say that either.

Stevens Creek Boulevard
Cupertino, California

Posted on April 22, 2008
Advice, Blue Collar, California, Coworkers, Default, Drinking, Meals and Snacks, Sexuality, Wishes, Words

When High-Concept Office Furniture Goes Too Far

Office drone #1, shouting over cubical wall: Have you been pegged?
Office drone #2: Apparently.

New Montgomery Street
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: McNasty

Posted on April 18, 2008
California, Coworkers, Cubicles, Employees, Possible Sexual Harassment, Questions, Sexuality, Weirdness

If It Were Vanity, You Could Be Charged with a Hate Crime

Accounting peon #1: This pen leaks. I look like I killed a smurf with my bare hands.
Accounting peon #2: Which smurf?
Accounting peon #1: Jokey.
Accounting peon #2: Nice.

Westridge
Watsonville, California

Overheard by: Happens to me too.

Posted on April 10, 2008
California, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Death, Default, Employees, Sensory Experiences, TV, Violence

Right After “Thou Shalt Not Let Thy Friends Go Home with Ugly People”

Underling to boss, incredulous: The lord was cock-blocking you?!
Boss: Sure! It’s in the bible!

Los Angeles, California

Posted on April 9, 2008
Bosses and Underlings, California, Places, Religion, Sexuality, Smart Bosses

You Probably Think This Quote Is about You

Co-worker to boss: You wanna hear how self-centered I am?
Boss: Please!

Los Angeles, California

Posted on April 8, 2008
Bosses, California, Coworkers, Feelings, Places, Questions, Weirdness, Wishes