Female coworker: What does “truncated” mean?
Male coworker: It’s like… If you shortened an elephant’s trunk, it would be truncated.
(pause)
Female coworker: But this e-mail doesn’t even say anything about elephants.
Wilshire Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: Babar
Female suit: There’s nothing worse than being caught without a tampon.
Hollywood, California
40-year-old woman to co-worker: I didn’t know alcohol had a relaxing effect.
Scripps Poway Parkway
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Mike
Sales rep: I’ve been trying to get them to cut off my leg to the knee. All you got to do is polish it once a month!
Northpoint
San Francisco, California
Blonde peonette #1: Is this the fax machine?
Blonde peonette #2: It *sounds* like it is.
Beale Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: wicked
Interested boss: Do they even wear make-up in Albuquerque?
Olive Street
Santa Barbara, California
Interviewee, upon learning that interviewer is an amateur musician: Well, it seems like you have a nice voice… Very Tom Waits-y.
Interviewer: I have a cold.
W 1st Street
Los Angeles, California
Customer: I would like four chocolate chip, four raisin, and four cinnamon crunch bagels to go, please.
Employee: [Turns to look at bagel rack, turns back to customer.] I’m sorry ma’am, I can’t sell you those.
Customer: But you have four of each sitting right there.
Employee: [Looks back at bagel rack.] But those are the last of our special bagels, and they are reserved for our in-store customers.
Customer: But I’m in your store, and I want to buy your bagels.
Employee: But my manager said I can’t sell those to go.
Customer: So let me get this straight. You’re selling bagels, I want to buy bagels, but you won’t sell me your bagels?
Employee: Well, yes… but it’s my manager…
Customer: How bout I speak to your manager?
Employee: [Gets on phone, whispers to manager, comes back to counter.] Okay, I’ll sell you the bagels.
Customer, under breath: Holy shit.
Panera Bread
Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: kim
Ghetto coworker: My son loves his car, he says he wants to get buried in it. I tell him he’s crazy, but it is a really nice car. It’s an Oldsmobuick* convertible, cocaine white…
Not-so-ghetto coworker: Cocaine white?
Ghetto coworker: Yeah, you know that really pearly white color?
Not-so-ghetto coworker, sarcastically: Does it have meth-yellow trim?
Ghetto coworker, oblivious: No, just white. But I tell him he’s crazy, it would never work. When they put in the dirt it would cave in the roof!
Modesto, California
Overheard by: That’s not my job.
Office worker: So then he launches into this big spiel about how black dogs taste better than white dogs.
Santa Monica Boulevard
Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: matt
