Female coworker on phone with manager: Yes, I know it's an impossible request. (pause) I don't know, either he thinks he's freakin' Jesus or he thinks I am. Either way, I'm about to get a cheap, perverse thrill out of crushing his entire belief system.
Chelmsford, Massachusetts
Overheard by: I think I'm Santa
New project manager: Make it more…sciency.
Chemist: Sciency?
Project manager: You know, truthier.
Chemist: Did you have a stroke?
Project manager: This is just my project management style.
Mississauga
Ontario
Canadia
VP: There is a reason why advertisers do not target user-generated content. They do not want their ads being placed next to naked women. With casual gaming and chess videos, they know what they get. Unless you have nude chess games…and in that case, I need to learn how to play.
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Sabotage
Boss, about job applicant: If he's really serious, I want you to push him hard to see if he's serious.
Bethesda, Maryland
Loud HR director on “confidential” call: At the risk of sounding unethical…
Charlotte, North Carolina
Designer: The ball is out of my court.
Creative director: Where's it at?
Designer: I don't know.
Elgin, Illinois
Boss to peon eating lunch: So my daughter finally pooped today. It's been at least a few days.
Peon #1, trying to ignore him: Wow. Cool.
Boss: Yeah, it wasn't anything huge like the one a few days ago, but at least she's pooping.
Peon #2: That's great to hear. My poor daughter has been at home with explosive diarrhea all week.
Peon #1: (tosses barely eaten lunch in the garbage and wordlessly walks away)
Sacramento, California
Faculty director, holding out banana: Would you like a banana?
Female program coordinator: Uh, no thanks, I'm all set.
Faculty director, holding out flowers: Well, maybe you'd like these instead!
Female program coordinator: Oh! That's so nice of you! Aw, you're off my bad list.
Faculty director: Wow, and I thought I would get off with just the banana!
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Allison
Crotchety supervisor, holding up printed copy of e-mail: You two are computer nerds. What does this mean? (points at an emoticon)
Analyst #1: It's a smiley face.
Crotchety supervisor, turning the paper sideways: Oh, I see the colon is the eyes and…what the hell is wrong with you people? (crumples up e-mail and walks away)
Analyst #2: Have a nice day!
Oakland, New Jersey
Overheard by: >:(
Adoptions manager to executive director: Can I talk to you while you're googling?
Gulfport, Mississippi
Overheard by: Foster Care Goddess
