Manager to peon: I'm so confused, maybe if I start smoking dope again things will make sense.
Washington
Manager to peon: I'm so confused, maybe if I start smoking dope again things will make sense.
Washington
Office manager to female employee: I have been told that when you are in the office, the women's bathroom goes though massive amounts of toilet paper.
Female employee: I don't have to talk to you about that, that's bowel harassment!
Louisville, Kentucky
Secretary: Your forehead is looking good today.
Boss: Yeah, the hole is still there but at least the scab is gone.
810 Highway 6 South
Houston, Texas
Cube dweller: Wow, look what I learned today!
Senior VP: What?
Cube dweller: I made a pulldown list in Excel!
Senior VP: So you have a lot of free time?…If you have free time, you need to see me right away. I told you I have projects for you.
101 California Street
San Francisco, California
Boss: Did you hear what Gwyneth Paltrow named her new baby?
Peon: Yeah, Moses. That’s old news.
Boss: I wonder what she’ll name the next one.
Peon: Well, it looks like she’s going in order from the Bible. It’ll probably be Caleb or Joshua.
Boss: You sure know a lot about the Bible for someone who’s not religious.
Peon: I worked in a church for two years, it’s hard not to pick something up.
Boss: Oh yeah? My mother’s worked in a church for twenty years, and the only thing she’s picked up is drinking.
800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: jearu
Boss: We never decided to postpone this issue. We just agreed that we would deal with other issues first.
Brouwersvliet, Antwerp, Belgium
Research supervisor on phone: So, question — monkeys. Apparently one got a rash during the drug trial, but no one noticed because she was really hairy. Yeah, really, really hairy. She’s a hairy monkey. What do you know about that?
West Point, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Alison
Boss: Hey, are you working hard…?
Employee: Or hardly working? Wait… I mean, “yes, I'm working hard.”
Cleveland, Ohio
Senior biologist: Don’t have them call me with any technical questions. Have them call Jack* in Municipal.
Redneck engineer: Ya ever tie two cats together by the tail and throw them over a clothesline?
Senior biologist: What?!
Engineering Firm
New Cumberland, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: intern liberal biologist
Co-worker #1: I don’t really like music.
Co-worker #2: Oh, yeah?
Co-worker #1: I think there are only 200 good songs in the history of the world.
Co-worker #2: And the rest are crap?
Co-worker #1: Well…they are no good. I have downloaded 130 of the 200 from the net, but the others are too hard to find.
Co-worker #2: Ohhhhkay.
2300 Prospect Road
Fort Collins, Colorado
