Blue Collar

Security guard: No man, the race is called Jew, the religion is called Jewdity.

1515 Broadway
New York, NY

Boss: Well, I’m outta here! Too bad you have to stay!
Janitor: You’re not letting him leave early?
Boss: No. I’m the boss. I get to go. He has to stay.
Janitor: Okay. Well, bye.
Boss: Bye! [He leaves]Janitor: So you’re leaving in five minutes, right?
Employee: I’ll wait ’til he clears the building.

59 Maiden Lane
New York, New York

Waiter, at new copy machine: Which way does this go in: face down or up, sideways or lengthways?…You’re not going to tell me, are you?
Manager: We’ve got plenty of paper over there; keep trying until you get it right.

45 South Illinois Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Overheard by: Shatmandu

Home Depot worker: And so he says to me, “Are those metric inches?”

650 North 54th Street
Chandler, Arizona

Drunk chick: Hey, bartender! Did anyone ever tell you you look like Luke from Gilmore Girls?
Bartender: No. What’s Gilmore Girls?
Drunk chick: It’s a show on TV. You should look it up. [To guy standing next to her] Hey, you look like this guy in this porn I have!

Dickson Street
Fayetteville, Arkansas

Overheard by: laughing into my beer

Delivery driver: Why are we all conjugating outside?

Pizza place
Joshua, Texas

Overheard by: needo

Maintenance #1: Don’t break ’em off.
Maintenance #2: Don’t break what off?
Maintenance #1: These nuts.

224 South Michigan Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Conductor: Tickets, please… Or in lieu of tickets, breakfast sandwiches will be accepted.

Chicago-bound commuter train

Overheard by: Pirate Alice

Two maintenance guys arrive to vacuum a cubicle after part of the ceiling fell.

Maintenance guy, 40s: See, he’s what you’d call a male chauvinist pig. He thinks vacuuming is something that a woman should do. Now, I don’t look like no woman.
Maintenance guy, 20s: No, but you look like a dyke.
Maintenance guy, 40s: I look like a dyke?
Maintenance guy, 20s: Easy, Grandpa, easy!
Maintenance guy, 40s: Oh, I’m Grandpa now?

350 Madison Avenue
New York, NY

Frat boy: Gimme something like a whiskey sour but dont put Jack Daniels or anything like that in it. I dont like whiskey!
Bartender: Well what you want in it instead of whiskey?
Frat boy: Use Jim Beam, I fucking love Jim Beam!

Evolution Nightclub
Athens, Ohio

Overheard by: Melvin