Who Knew Mrs. Claus Was a Top?

Working bee, quietly: Santa Claus, you cunt!

King Street
Sydney
Australia

Overheard by: highly amused

Posted on December 10, 2008
Australia, Body Parts, Employees, Insults, Weirdness

One Day I'm Going to Crochet That on a Little Pillow

Bar girl: So you haven't picked up in a year?
Bouncer: Look, it has to be right. I can pick up a girl, ball-gag her and fuck her in the ass, but sometimes I want to cuddle too.

Bar
Melbourne
Austrailia

Posted on August 15, 2008
Australia, Compare and contrast, Default, Employees, Feelings, Questions, Sexuality, Time Management

And Once You’re There, You’re Not Here at All

Female co-worker, just returned from holiday: Oh, Shanghai was wonderful, but I was amazed at how Chinese it was.

Canberra
Australia

Overheard by: What? China’s Western isn’t it?

Posted on May 23, 2008
Australia, Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, General Idiocy, Geography & History

All Their Office Furniture Was Donated By Puritans

Assistant: My ass has taken enough punishment for one day.

Newcastle
Australia

Overheard by: At the next desk

Posted on May 20, 2008
Australia, Body Parts, Default, Employees, Gripes, Sensory Experiences, Violence

Or the Fact That Someone’s Listening to Us Talk About Me in a Nappy

Middle management moron: Ha, yes you’d look good in a nappy.
Long-suffering fellow goon: I don’t know what disturbs me more: the thought of *me* in a nappy, or the thought of *you* thinking about me in a nappy.

Osborne Park
Western Australia

Posted on May 9, 2008
Australia, Compare and contrast, Compliments, Coworkers, Default, Employees, Feelings, Physical Appearance, Weirdness

The Flash Bubble Game Is My Gateway to High Achievement

Rep #1: Where is the Ford script?
Copywriter, playing flash bubble game: I am working on it right now.
[one minute later]Rep #2: Where is the taxi script?
Copywriter, playing flash bubble game: I am working on it right now.
[less than a minute later]Rep #3: Where is the restaurant chain script?
Copywriter, playing flash bubble game: I am working on it right now.
Rep #3: At least turn the volume down dude…

Robertson Street
Fortitude Valley
Australia

Posted on April 18, 2008
Advice, Australia, Comebacks, Coworkers, Dumb Employees, Internet, Lies, Offers and requests, Questions

She’s a Lot Less Animated These Days

Worker bee #1: Hey, did you notice Claire* doesn’t wear that green suit thing anymore?
Worker bee #2: No, I think she realized people were calling her Shrek.
Worker bee #1: [after a pause.] yeah… Yeah I can see that actually.

Civic Drive
Greensborough
Australia

Overheard by: it’s so true

Posted on April 10, 2008
Australia, Cinema, Clothes, Colors, Coworkers, Employees, Insults, Names, Physical Appearance, Places, Words

Mr. Ed: Even I Don’t Make Mistakes That Dumb

Stable employee: Oh, there’s a reason all the horses’ names start with the letter Q. It’s ’cause we go through the alphabet — each year gets a different letter — so this year all the horses get named with the letter Q. So, like, last year was all P names, the year before it was O names, and next year it will be T… No, wait, U… S…? Hang on… P, Q, S, R… R, S — that’s it. Next year they all get R names.

Thebarton, Adelaide
Australia