Supervisor: I saw a unicorn just the other day!
Coworker #1: No, you did not. They're extinct.
Supervisor: What?
Coworker #2: What?
Coworker #1: They been extinct since Jesus's time!
Supervisor: You believe in mermaids?
Coworker #1: Well, duh, mermaids were around during Jesus too!
Coworker #2: Neither of those things exist.
Coworker #1: Ohmigod! Are you serious? But my mom told me when I was a kid!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Malikat
Agent #1: Why is that dog wearing a “W” on its head?
Agent #2: That’s not a “W”; it’s obviously an “M.” It’s just upside down.
Bystander: Um…those are reindeer antlers.
7145 SE 21st Avenue
Portland, Oregon
Person #1: I just read that there has been a 104% increase in the numbers of lost or stolen cows recovered in Texas and Oklahoma.
Person #2: So they found 4 more cows than were actually lost?
650 California Street
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: Gilligan
Co-worker #1: Do you have a dog?
Co-worker #2: No, I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, let alone another dog.
2645 South Mojave Road
Las Vegas, Nevada
Manager to worker on phone with customer: Tell him we ain't got a monkey, and don't know when the stock's coming in.
Hemel Hempstead
England
Overheard by: Do we sell monkeys?
Peon #1: He was basically using the frog as a Fleshlight.
Peon #2: What's a Fleshlight?
Allston, Massachusetts
Boss on phone: I dreamed about pork last night… Is that weird?
Adelaide
Australia
Office drone #1: I'd like to get some hamsters. That'd be cool. Then I could get an eagle, and let them go in the backyard so the eagle could get some exercise.
Office drone #2: Who are you–Michael Vick?
Burlington, Vermont
Overheard by: Isotope Feeney
Sunday school teacher: How’s that new little kitten of yours?
Priest: She’s doing well. We’re taking her over to the vet tomorrow to be spayed.
Child #1: What’s spayed?
Child #2: That’s when they take off her overalls so she can’t have babies.
Joliet, Montana
