Fly-Swatting Is Really More Of a Pastime for Me

Office director to peon: Look what she's taking!
HR rep: I've decided to take your pink fly swatter!
Peon: Yay! Are you taking it home or to your new office?
HR rep: I think… home.
Old manager: What are you going to do with that ugly thing?
HR rep, grinning: Nothing work-related, I assure you!
New manager on first day: Wow. Huh!

Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Overheard by: Peon

Posted on May 1, 2015
Animals, Bosses and Underlings, Colors, Human Resources, Louisiana, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

Stuffed and on the Mantel? Oh.

Coworker to another: How's the dog? I can't ask you “how's the family?” or “how are the friends?” because you got none, but you have a dog, right?

Melbourne
Australia

Overheard by: my office is fun

Posted on April 30, 2015
Animals, Australia, Coworkers, Family, Questions, Weirdness

Not Ours, but It's Close

Office worker #1: Have you ever noticed that dog feet smell like popcorn?
Office worker #2: That is going to be my quote of the week!

Fairbanks, Alaska

Overheard by: nunyabidnizz

Posted on April 28, 2015
Alaska, Animals, Body Parts, Coworkers, Meals and Snacks, Questions

Oh Wait. I Mean Asparagus.

Woman at table with friends: Eskimos are really fascinating. Did you know that they almost always have twins? (friends shake their heads) Oh, wait. I mean sheep.

http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2008/11/now-i-want-some-eskimo-cheese.html

Overheard by: Ian

Posted on April 27, 2015
Animals, Family, Friends, General Idiocy, Washington DC

Besides, You Can't Go Fishing Without a Pole.

Diner #1: I don't think you want to increase your vascular output for a snake bite.
Diner #2: So no Viagra.
Diner #3: Why would anyone take Viagra hiking?
Diner #2: To keep from rolling out of the tent.

Oak Ridge, Tennessee

Posted on April 25, 2015
Animals, Friends, Health & Hygiene, Sexuality, Sports, Tennessee, Vacation

Or Little Italian Choir Boys

Coworker #1: Hey, listen to this: “2.3 million Americans are currently incarcerated.” That's about 1% of the population!
Coworker #2: What's that mean?
Coworker #1: In prison.
Coworker #1: Oh, I was thinking castrated…and I thought they only did that to animals.

Muscatine, Iowa

Posted on April 20, 2015
Animals, Coworkers, Crimes, General Idiocy, Iowa, Words

No Request Is Too Bizarre for a New Orleans Escort Service

Advertising intern, dialing number: Hello, I was wondering if you still have the silver ferret from yesterday? Okay, thanks.

New Orleans, Louisiana

Overheard by: get me out of here

Posted on April 16, 2015
Animals, Interns & Temps, Louisiana, On the phone, Questions

Being a Disney World Princess Is Less Glamorous Than One Might Think

Coworker on cell: Hey, I'm just calling to see if you're knee-deep in roach turds.

Orlando, Florida

Overheard by: Jen

Posted on April 9, 2015
Animals, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, On the phone, Weirdness

More Than an Ocean Separates Us from the Brits

IT salesperson #1: So basically, this opportunity is like looking at a really big cow in a small field!
IT salesperson #2: But the question is: do we cherrypick, do we take small bites at the cow…
IT salesperson #3: Or does the really big bull just take a running jump at it?

Newgate Street
London
England

Posted on April 7, 2015
Animals, Compare and contrast, England, Questions, Sales, Sexuality, Violence

We're a Family Pesticide Company

Office guy: We want this cockroach to look gorgeous, but at the same time, you know, not a cockroach of the night.

Las Cruces, New Mexico

Posted on April 3, 2015
Animals, Employees, New Mexico, Physical Appearance, Weirdness, Wishes

Animals