Supervisor: Be sure to meet in the large conference room for the intern’s goodbye lunch at noon.
Employee: Is [Andrew] leaving?
Supervisor: No, it’s for [Brenda], [Andrew]’s been hired full time, so no lunch.
Employee: Well, what about the new employee welcome lunch?
Supervisor: Okay, fine…it’s today at noon.
201 Connecticut Avenue NW
Washington, DC
Co-worker #1: Come on, we need to go.
Co-worker #2: Hold on, my wife just called and asked me to call the
cable guy to cancel his appointment.
Co-worker #1: Why couldn’t she call him herself?
Co-worker #2: Dude, she’s at work.
408 C Street NE
Washington, DC
Suit #1: Why didn’t you guys invite [Joe] to eat with us?
Suit #2: Well, we asked him to come but he responded with gibberish and broke out in foreign tongues.
Suit #3: Yeah, I think he’s a terrorist.
US Department of State
2121 Virginia Avenue
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Bradley
Co-worker: …and if you have to go to the bathroom, just buzz me or the office manager. You don’t have to hold it.
Temp: Good to know this is a compassionate work environment.
1000 Vermont Avenue, NW
Washington, DC
Guy: …and that is why my lack of work ethic is a good thing.
1150 18th Street, NW
Washington, DC
Co-worker: You know, I would be a better employee if I had a better supervisor.
8454 Glenbrook Drive
Olmsted Township, Ohio
Overheard by: Diane Battle
Financial Officer: See, I've always liked Shakespeare. I thought he was funny. You know, like Macbeth. Macbeth was funny. He was a crazy guy.
Washington, DC
Overheard by: frustrated intern
Crazy office lady in middle of rant: Did you laugh during Watergate?
20-something intern: Dude, I was a sperm during Watergate.
Washington, DC
Male coworker #1: I got this cheap lavender candle at Walmart and it doesn't even work! I can barely smell anything! I need some aromatherapy.
Male coworker #2: I'm telling you, you gotta buy a Yankee candle. They're the best.
Male coworker #1: Do they have lavender?
Male coworker #2: Yeah, they have lemon-lavender, vanilla-lavender…
Male coworker #1: I want just regular lavender. I'll check their website…
Washington, DC
Cubicle dweller #1: Do any animals eat humans?
Cubicle dweller #2: Uh, lets see… What does a koala eat?
Washington, DC
Peon: Don't get stoned with two birds in one throw. (pause) Wait…
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
