Department supervisor: What possessed you to throw the cow at the wall?
Office guy: Because… it… sticks to things!
Brooklyn Center, Minnesota
Overheard by: Moo…
Department supervisor: What possessed you to throw the cow at the wall?
Office guy: Because… it… sticks to things!
Brooklyn Center, Minnesota
Overheard by: Moo…
Father mechanic: You sound like your mother.
Son mechanic: Yeah, but I'm not throwing an iron at you. Or a dictionary.
Father mechanic: I loved her until then.
Car Dealership
Oakville, Ontario
Canadia
Senior partner, leaving office: So don't worry, I'll have those figures for you tomorrow.
(elevator doors shut)
Senior partner, to assistant: But anyway, he picked up the mannequin and started biting the fingers off it.
Assistant: No! What did Jenny say?
Senior partner: She was in the bath the whole time! She didn't see a thing!
Assistant: Oh my god! Was that before she came out and found the Puerto Rican guy on the beanbag?
Senior partner: Yes! And by this time, my mother had already left, so Jenny and I just had to get everything of importance out of the lounge room and lock the doors.
Assistant: That's amazing!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: Kate
Blonde coworker: I was just talking to him and he bit my head off. Literally!
Orinda, California
Office worker, breezing past receptionist's desk: Hi!
Receptionist, furiously rubbing nose: Got an itchy nose, wanna fight?
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: Spydoggie
Frustrated old man, walking away from service call button at Home Depot: Might as well hang an asshole up there and press that!
San Diego, California
Crazy coworker: If my kid pooped in the closet, I'd rub his nose in it. “No! Bad!”
Sane female coworker: Your kids are going to be taken away by the state.
Sane male coworker: There's not even a question.
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Overheard by: Playtah
Older female coworker: So, did you and that guy you had a date with makeout?
Younger female coworker: Um…did we make out?
Older coworker: Yeah. I mean, did you hit it off? What happened with him?
Younger coworker's friend: She doesn't want to talk about it.
Older female coworker: Did he rape you?
Melbourne, Florida
Office drone to older coworker: I will beat you up and steal your meat, pop.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
