Originator: Two charts are just great. Very helpful. Two is a lot more
than one.
VP: Yeah, it’s like twice as much.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
Originator: Two charts are just great. Very helpful. Two is a lot more
than one.
VP: Yeah, it’s like twice as much.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
Worker: So the Christmas party is mandatory?
Boss: Of course not, but if you don’t show you’ll probably be ostracized.
Worker: …And I have to sign a waiver to drink?
Boss: Do you think a company of lawyers would let everyone drink, then drive, and not cover their asses?
962 Coronado Boulevard
Universal City, Texas
VP: There is only so much you can do with one hand.
Co-worker: I’m not going to touch that.
910 Lousiana Street
Houston, Texas
Coworker #1: It’s asking for an account number before it gives you one.
Coworker #2: Uh…
Coworker #1: It says “please enter the number of accounts.”
Coworker #2: Yeah, how many do you want? 1, 2, or 3.
Coworker #1: Oh, I see.
1220 Senlac Drive
Carrollton, Texas
Manager: Okay, do you see anyone who is not here?
Employee: Uh, nope.
2913 Nueces Drive
Harlingen, texas
Employee #1: Do you know how much these master cylinder gland nuts cost?
Employee #2: What,we are selling the gland nuts by themselves now? They are usually attached to the master cylinder…
Employee #3: I’d say gland nuts attachd to the master cylinder are priceless.
13601 FM 529
Houston, Texas
[In a crowded computer room]Female: Dude, nobody in here even likes you.
Male: I have made love to everyone in this room!
West San Antonio, Texas
Overheard by: CCRadio
Coworker #1: Your outgoing message sounds like a whispering Barry White.
Coworker #2: Well, you know…there are a lot of fruities out there and I got to keep them away.
Dallas, Texas
Matthew McConaughey’s mother: I wish you were Woody Harrelson. He always has better pot than you.
Patrick McConaughey: I fucking hate you too, mom. [out the window] Hey babe… don’t you know who I am?
Matthew: You people bring me down.
Backseat of the car I was driving
Austin, Texas
Cubicle dweller to another: We should have carpooled in together today so that you could drive me home drunk.
Dallas, Texas
