Accounting coworker: Nothing gets me hotter than a pivot table with five attributes.
Washington, DC
Accounting coworker: Nothing gets me hotter than a pivot table with five attributes.
Washington, DC
Coworker to tech support: All I did was stick it in and now I can't get it out. I hate fucking computers!
Brampton
Ontario
Canada
Overheard by: Tim
CSR: Ma’am, my system is backed up and my computer is going down on me.
300 Rosewood Drive
Danvers, Massachusetts
Student: Voldemort is like Bill Fates. He’s good at marketing, but he didn’t actually come up with Windows.
33 East Congress
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Stubby Boardman
Female staffer #1: Yeah, we need to get us a gas-powered hedge trimmer.
Male staffer: Yeah, we have an electric, but it’s battery-operated. And the battery only lasts about ten minutes, so it’s like Extreme Speed Trimming. We have to get to that bush fast before the battery runs out.
Female staffer #2: Are y’all talking about vibrators?
Male staffer: Uh, well, sort of, except this one has teeth that chop long skinny things in half.
Female staffer #2: Oooh, kinky! Where’d you get it?
10 Medical Center Boulevard
Winston-Salem, North Carolina
Cube rat #1: My mouse is being such a pain lately.
Cube rat #2: You should get one of those mouses that, y’know, doesn’t have a cord. Oh, man, what are those called, again?
Cube rat #1: Um, a cordless mouse?
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: I work with monkeys
Receptionist: Hello! Thank you for calling Avon Safety*, where safety comes first. How may I direct your call?
Voice #1: How do I direct the call?
Voice #2: [indecipherable]Voice #1: I don’t know. That’s all it says…
Receptionist: Hello? This is not a recording.
Voice #1: She said it’s a recording.
Receptionist: No! This is not a recording! Hello?
Voice #1: What do I do?
Voice #2: Hang up.
Avon, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Fae
Purchasing: Hey, can we print from Word?
Marketing: Ah…What?
2801 Red Lion Road
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Real estate agent #1: My son is teaching himself how to play guitar! He's getting real good!
Real estate agent #2: That's great! What's he using?
Real estate agent #1: This program called Guitar Hero.
Morris Plains, New Jersey
Overheard by: JMB
Receptionist: So this guy calls for [Kyle]…I give him the voice mail. I knew the next ring would be him…he calls back. “I’m trying to get ahold of [Kyle] and I keep getting an answer machine.”…Gah!…That’s what happens when we pay 10K for a phone
system so people get their messages. So then the prick is like, “So is he there or isn’t he?” And so I’m like, “Yes sir, I realize
that you keep getting his voicemail. He is with a client, and all
messages go straight to our agents via voicemail.” And he’s like,
“Well, I don’t want to leave a damn message, you tell [him and
his wife] they just lost out on a sale! I guess they’re too busy
for me!” So then I’m all kiss-ass and like, “Well, I’m sorry sir, they are both with clients at the moment. We are a busy office. Would you like me to take a message?” And then he tells me, “No, just never mind and it’s their loss.” I hate stupid people.
Assistant: Some people are like Slinkies: not really good for
anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push
them down a flight of stairs.
M-28 East
Munising, Michigan
