… Instead of Just the FBI and Major League Baseball

Professor: Someone hacked into the university’s website, and now the Russian mafia has all of your information.

University of Arizona
Tucson, Arizona

Overheard by: Colleen

Posted on April 2, 2015
Arizona, Teachers, Threats

And a New Flogger

Older, proper female professor #1, giggling: Well, I guess after that I should probably just invest in a new turkey baster.
Older, proper female professor #2: I should say so, my dear.

Swarthmore, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: This place is killing me…

Posted on March 28, 2015
Health & Hygiene, Pennsylvania, Sexuality, Teachers

That Mathy Stuff Frightens Me

Professor: Well, then I saw that there were equations involved, so I freaked out.

3400 North Charles Street
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: LabCat

Posted on March 28, 2015
Gripes, Maryland, Teachers

At Least There's No Chance She'll Reproduce

Female high school student walking into guidance counselor's office with a group of friends: Oh, right! You're who we come to talk to about sex.
Guidance counselor: Ahh, yes…
Female student: Well, I don't need to talk to you because I don't do that.
Guidance counselor: Do what?
Female student: You know…sex. I don't do it 'cause I'm syllabus.
Guidance counselor: Ummmm, right.

Roxbury, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Miss

Posted on March 27, 2015
Education, General Idiocy, Massachusetts, Sexuality, Students, Teachers, Words

By the Three Year Mark I’ve Forgotten Everything but Hair Color

Poli-Sci professor: How was I supposed to remember her name? I had only lost my virginity to her five years earlier!

College
Wooster, Ohio

Posted on March 19, 2015
Gossip, Ohio, Teachers

But You’d Only Be Prosecuted for the Former

College student: So, if you stab someone and then stand there and watch them bleed to death, are you killing them or letting them die?
Logic professor: Well, I guess you would accomplish both.

Middle Tennessee State University
Murfreesboro, Tennessee

Posted on March 13, 2015
Students, Teachers, Tennessee, Violence

And It Took Him Three Days to Get Over It

First-grade teacher: CHARLES! Give me those! Those are NAILS! Nails are unsafe and do not belong in your hands.
Student: Pshhh, unless you’re JESUS!

New York, New York

Overheard by: i want to adopt this kid

Posted on March 10, 2015
Comebacks, Gripes, Kids, New York, Offers and requests, Religion, Students, Teachers

That Flogger Really Brings Out Your Eyes

Teacher: If you wish to have a discussion, raise your hand and I will call on you if you are worthy enough.
Student: I love you?

140 Brandies Road
Newton, Massachusetts

Posted on March 7, 2015
Advice, Comebacks, Massachusetts, Students, Teachers

When I Woke Up, I Was Here.

English professor to secretary: According to my college transcript, I took a course in my freshman year called “introduction to drugs”. I have no recollection of this course, and I wonder why.

Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: English Major

Posted on February 23, 2015
Admins, Education, Pennsylvania, School, Substance Use & Abuse, Teachers, Weirdness

Close… It’s Actually Global LUKEwarming

Professor: You will have those students that don’t show up to class or office hours, or that don’t care about their grades. What causes this?
TA: Global warming?

University of Texas
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: underpaid TA

Posted on February 22, 2015
Dumb Employees, General Idiocy, Places, Questions, Teachers, Texas

Teachers