Dude, That’s My Desk

Bitter intern to cheerful intern: Jeez, stop being so motivated and shit. The only thing I’m actively doing today is refraining from eating magic mushrooms at my desk.

Rockefeller Plaza
New York City, New York

Posted on October 6, 2018
Compare and contrast, Coworkers, Default, Interns & Temps, New York, Offers and requests, Substance Use & Abuse

And Maybe If I Get a Divorce, I'll Be Twenty Again

Manager to peon: I'm so confused, maybe if I start smoking dope again things will make sense.

Washington

Posted on September 18, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Feelings, Substance Use & Abuse, Washington, Weirdness

Soon I’ll Be Able to Afford New Friends

Dude: All my meth addict friends are like, ‘That’s so cool. You have a job.’

Portland, Oregon

Posted on August 18, 2018
Compliments, Coworkers, Gossip, Oregon, Substance Use & Abuse

5PM That’s a Wrap

Boss: Did you hear what Gwyneth Paltrow named her new baby?
Peon: Yeah, Moses. That’s old news.
Boss: I wonder what she’ll name the next one.
Peon: Well, it looks like she’s going in order from the Bible. It’ll probably be Caleb or Joshua.
Boss: You sure know a lot about the Bible for someone who’s not religious.
Peon: I worked in a church for two years, it’s hard not to pick something up.
Boss: Oh yeah? My mother’s worked in a church for twenty years, and the only thing she’s picked up is drinking.

800 East 28th Street
Minneapolis, Minnesota

Overheard by: jearu

Posted on August 12, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Gossip, Midwest, Substance Use & Abuse

Or I’ll Just Start Using My Health Insurance Card

Dude #1: I’ve lost five ATM cards this year.
Dude #2: How do you lose five ATM cards?
Dude #1: Doing a lot of coke… I’m thinking about stopping with the coke.

Haight Street and Clayton Street
San Francisco, California

Posted on July 19, 2018
California, Coworkers, Questions, Substance Use & Abuse

Hey, Why Do You Have All the Dry-Erase Markers?

Frazzled coworker: I need to order some aromatherapy stuff for my desk. Deadline days would go much smoother if I was a huffer.

Wausau, Wisconsin

Posted on June 22, 2018
Coworkers, Substance Use & Abuse, Wisconsin

The Office Rather Enjoys Lucy and Ethel's Harebrained Schemes

Female receptionist #1: Yeah, now he's all disfigured.
Female receptionist #2: A chipped tooth? They can fix that easy.
Female receptionist #1: Yeah, but we're trying to get a prescription for medical marijuana. Or at least a handicapped parking decal.

Jersey City

Overheard by: It's painful just listening