You're Fired.

Salesman to manager: One of my customers is looking for prices on a laptop.
Manager: Okay, what is he looking for?
Salesman: A laptop.
Manager: Yes, but what is he looking for? I can get him a piece of crap for next to nothing, or a real expensive one. What is he looking for? What specifications and size is he looking for, and what extras?
Salesman: Okay, I'll find out.
(three minutes later, after phoning customer)
Salesman: He is looking for one, the size of an adult male's hands placed next to each other.

Pretoria
South Africa

Posted on December 17, 2009
Africa, Body Parts, Bosses, Compare and contrast, Money, Questions, Sales, Technology

The Message: When You Violate the Incest Tabloo, Spare No Expense

Speaker for sales meeting: Just consider Mastercard. You know, “Plane ticket to Boca Raton: 400 dollars. Doing it with you grandpa: priceless.”

Bellevue, Washington

Posted on December 16, 2009
Family, Money, Sales, Travel, Washington

Sigh. Boys.

Director: How you doing?
Sales rep #1: I'm good… but I've had a migraine all week.
Director: That sucks, doing anything this weekend?
Sales rep #1: Nah, I haven't done anything all week. I saw District 9 last night, though.
Director: Did you like it? I've heard mixed reviews.
Sales rep #1: I liked the social commentary. Plus, shit blows up. It can be the worst movie ever, but if shit blows up, I'm gonna watch it.
Director: Oh, hell yeah! You gotta watch it if shit blows up. That's like Terminator. You watch it cause shit blows up.
Sales rep #1: Yeah, or every Rambo movie.
Sales rep #2: How can you watch Rambo movies?
Director and sales rep #1: Shit blows up!

Charlotte, North Carolina

Posted on December 14, 2009
Bosses, Cinema, Compare and contrast, Health & Hygiene, North Carolina, Questions, Sales, Weirdness

…Which Is Why I'm the Boss.

Salesman: Man, I hate it that my brain is so small that I get confused real easy.

Bonner Springs, Kansas

Posted on October 23, 2009
General Idiocy, Gripes, Kansas, Sales

Don't Have a Cow, Dude.

Ad sales guy: I'll never think about udders in the same way ever again.

Scranton, Pennsylvania

Posted on October 22, 2009
Body Parts, Pennsylvania, Sales, Weirdness

From My Big Book Of Things Never to Say at Work

Graphic designer: Ah, shut up, midget mother.
Ad sales girl: What? “Midget mother”? What the fuck does that mean?
Graphic designer: Your mother's a midget.

Scranton, Pennsylvania

Posted on October 21, 2009
Designers and Photographers, Family, General Idiocy, Insults, Pennsylvania, Questions, Sales, Words

You Mean, Like, Start Robbing Convenience Stores?

Inside sales rep, after eating piece of fruit from her mixed fruit cup: Um, this tastes kinda funny. Does fruit go bad?

Reading, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: her stupidity is melting my brain

Posted on October 20, 2009
General Idiocy, Meals and Snacks, Pennsylvania, Questions, Sales, Sensory Experiences

You're Just Fantastic At…Whatever It Is You Do Here.

Female sales director: So let me get this straight, you're asking me to look as slutty as possible for the event?
Male VP: Well, that is why I hired you, after all.
Female sales director: Wow! Did you really just say that?
Male VP: What? Okay, okay… you're good at your job too. Happy?

California

Posted on October 15, 2009
Bosses, California, Compare and contrast, Hiring & Firing, Offers and requests, Physical Appearance, Possible Sexual Harassment, Questions, Sales, Weirdness

…But This Is a Classic Case Of “He Sediment, She Sediment”

Empathetic sales manager: I understand your sediment.

Seattle, Washington

Posted on October 12, 2009
Bosses, Sales, Washington, Weirdness, Words

And What's That Little Sideways 8?

CSR: Yes, ma'm, that cellphone plan has unlimited minutes.
Customer: And how many minutes is that exactly?

Oklahoma

Overheard by: couldn't make this up

Posted on September 23, 2009
Customer Support, Dumb Customers, General Idiocy, Oklahoma, Sales