Race

12PM Lunch

Engineer: So, did you enjoy your Cinco de Mayo?
Secretary: Um. I was in Rhode Island for the weekend…
Engineer: Yeah, so?
Secretary: Ever been?
Engineer: Yeah, couple of times… what’s your point?
Secretary: Heh. Rhode Island is like the white-bread capital, at least the part where I go is.
Engineer: Okaayyy… so there was no Cinco de Mayo celebration?
Secretary: Dude, lemme put it this way for ya: It’s so damn white up there, they have white gardeners. Mexicans are like freakin’ nonexistant up there. And don’t even get me started on the nonexistance of black people. Hell, the last time I saw a black person while I was up there was the one we brought with us. . .and she kept singin’ “Massa got me workin'” just to freak the rest of the whities out.

One Penn Plaza
New York, New York

Overheard by: *snicker*

The Klan Has Fallen on Hard Times

Ghetto girl on cell: Whitey snuck into my apartment and set my alarm clock off by 12 hours! I ain’t never snuck into no white person’s house and put poison in they’re food! But Whitey’s oppressin’ me. Whitey snuck into my apartment while I was in the shower and stole my underwear! While I was in the shower!

545 Bus
Outside Seattle, Washington

How’d They Get There from the West?

Peon: I think she’s Indian.
Boss: American Indian? We don’t have a lot of those!
Peon: No, Asian Indian.
Boss: They have Indians in Asia?!

5th and Market Streets
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

The Last Event He Remembers Clearly Is V-J Day

Old man: Excuse me.
CD store employee: Yes.
Old man: Where do you keep your Negro music?
CD store employee: What?
Old man: Your Negro music!
Grandson: He means rap music.
CD store employee: Oh, over there.

1st Avenue North
Seattle, Washington

4PM The 3 Day Weekend is Nigh!

Co-worker #1: So, do you get Columbus Day off from school?
Co-worker #2: No, we only get holidays for black people and Jesus.

6101 Broadway Street
San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: Salena Arledge

That's Your Answer to Everything, Linda.

Male office drone: So my friend says that instead of trying to stop human nature, we should focus our innate racism at a race that doesn't exist anymore. Like the Tuscans.
Female office drone, barely paying attention: Sounds like a cracker.

Norristown, Pennsylvania

But I Am One Step Closer to Douchebaggery

Boss: Why do you have a new BlackBerry?
Salesperson: Because I am awesome.
Boss: You don't even know how to use it, do you?
Salesperson: Uh… No.

Augusta, Georgia

Also, I Hung up That One Corpse

Secretary : The guys who clean my yard never take any off my plants, because I threaten them, I say ‘If you touch anything, I’ll kill you!’ And they never touch anything since then. Because they’re Haitians, and you know, Haitians scare easy.

1252 Memorial Drive
Coral Gables, Florida

11AM Conversation with HR

Co-worker #1: Did you know Tony in the German office is Oriental?
Co-worker #2: Asian.
Co-worker #1: What about Asians?
Co-worker #2: You don’t say “Oriental”…you say “Asian.”
Co-worker #1: Oh, that is so PC. Oriental is fine. I had an Oriental friend once and she didn’t mind it.

93 Worcester Street
Wellesley, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Scaught

Guess a Racist Can't Change His Spots

White marketing manager to black marketing manager wearing safari print tribal dress: I loved you in Coming to America.

Denver, Colorado

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