Mechanic: You smell like sex.
Female coworker: You mean I smell like you want to have sex with me? Or I smell like I just had sex? ‘Cause… ‘Cause there’s a big difference.
Mechanic: Oh, the first one. You smell like I want to have sex with you.
Female coworker: Oh. I want to have sex with you, too.
Mechanic: [Silence.]Female coworker: … I mean, you smell. [Walks away with confused look on her face.]
Westchester, New York
Overheard by: He did kind of smell … like sex.
Becky*: Sometimes, when I’m sick, I think, ‘What did I do to deserve this?’ And then I remember, ‘Oh, yeah — ass to mouth.’
830 W Warner Road
Gilbert, Arizona
Overheard by: Chris Cardinal
Systems admin to office manager: And she didn't tell me he was coming up right behind her!
Sales assistant, walking through the room: I didn't know he was going to follow me! One minute he was in his office talking about roosters and the next minute he's standing behind me at your desk! He was sneaky!
Charlotte, North Carolina
Tech guy: You know, I was thinking the other day — you know how when these terrorists die, they think they’re getting, like, 40 virgins? Well, it occurred to me that the only virgins up there will be all these 80-something-year-old nuns…
Corporate Drive
Orangeburg, New York
Overheard by: amused temp
Receptionist, as boss “innocently” puts hand down his pants to re-adjust: Are you out all next week? I have something for you…but I left it at home.
The Loop
Chicago, Illinois
Old lady, told class would run late: I have to get home and toss my husband’s salad!
Class erupts with laughter, and the boy next to her explains the innuendo.
Old lady: If I was going to lick his ass, I’d say so… But it isn’t something I’d do before dinner.
CCSN campus
Las Vegas, Nevada
Legislative aide: I just wouldn’t want to be in the middle of a threesome. You have to keep going in and out, in and out…
House of Representatives Seat Selection, Michigan State Capitol
Lansing, Michigan
Male intern, about passing coworker: Wow… Those were some tremendous titties.
Female manager: Okay, so you know I’m your manager, right? You probably shouldn’t say ‘titties’ to me.
Plymouth, Michigan
Student: I think a couple tweaks will make it better. Don’t worry; you’ll have my evaluation on your desk in a few minutes.
Instructor: I really need it. Should I get on my knees?
Student: Um.
430 South Capitol Street SE
Washington, DC
Tall lady: This wind is blowing up in my vagina!
Suit: I thought I heard something.
Taylor Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: stan
