Student #1: I had a real question! I really wanted to know the answer, and he acted like it was a joke.
Student #2: So. what was the question?
Student #1: How does a blind person know when they’re done wiping?
Student #2: … What, there’s no punch line?
Student #1: That’s what my teacher asked, but I really want to know the answer — it’s a valid question!
Student #2: Well, I’ll ask my uncle next time I see him.
Elevator, Columbia College
Chicago, Illinois
Boss: I’m trying to figure out how to explain this in terms that you can understand.
Jane*: I think I get what you’re trying to say.
Male peon #1: I think I also understand what you’re trying to say.
Male peon #2: Me, too.
Boss: Let me put it this way: let’s all imagine that Jane is at the OB/GYN…
Response Road
Sacramento, California
Guy: Can you do me there?
Woman: What?
Guy, yelling: Do me in the spreadsheet!
Rutgers office of Information Technology
New Brunswick, New Jersey
Overheard by: in the next room
Cube dweller #1: You just have to insert his name, then you should be able to get it up.
Cube dweller #2: What?!
Cube dweller #3: It would be surprising if she could get it up.
Cube dweller #4: Got it!
Cube dweller #1: She got it up!
Melbourne
Australia
Overheard by: confused but amused
Co-worker #1: I’m really hot.
Co-worker #2: I’m turning the heat down to 90. If anyone’s cold then they can go into [Jessica]’s office, but first you have to take off your clothes because it’s a sauna in there.
Co-worker #3: You shouldn’t tell people to take their clothes off before going into [Jessica]’s office.
57 Binney Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Coworker #1: See, this is my new man bag.
Coworker #2: Oh, nice! So manly.
Coworker #3: Man bag? Sounds like scrotum.
270 County Hospital Road
Quincy, California
Suit #1: Dude, you should have a sex room in your new place!
Suit #2: I do. It’s my bedroom.
Suit #1: No, I mean one room that is just wall-to-wall matresses and shit.
45 Wall Street
New York, New York
Overheard by: Trey Givens
Peon calling supervisor about note from employee: Did you check your pants today?
Production supervisor: What kind of question is that?
Madison, Wisconsin
Retirement aged worker #1: Hi, little buddy.
Retirement aged worker #2: I'm not your little buddy!
Retirement aged worker #1: I know you're not! You're an old goat!
Retirement aged worker #2, thrusting pelvis towards #1: If I'm a goat, then suck it and get some milk!
Naval Base
Point Mugu, California
Overheard by: bubbles
Staffer #1: Hey, Gary*, do you have a spoon?
Staffer #2: What kind of spoon?
Staffer #1: Um, one to eat liquids with… What other kinds of spoons are there?
Staffer #2: Well, jeez — there’s fishing spoons, crack spoons, and cuddling positions.
Staffer #1: You’re the only person I know who would ever think of those kinds of spoons over a soup spoon.
Waterfront
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Fork and Knife
