Manager to lead: Go ahead and audit her drawer tonight. We're supposed to audit everyone once a week.
Cashier: Go ahead, since it'll be quick. How often are my drawers off anyway?
Passing coworker: Every. Night.
Lee's Summit, Missouri
Overheard by: Alicia
Employee to coworker who won't stop talking: Oh, yeah, you get all mouthy now. But when the auditors come by, you get quiet and have diarrhea.
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: factory drone
Supervisor to art director, while playing with digital camera: I am also deleting these photos, well–they should have been deleted a long time ago–but those ones of me on my knees.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Employee to cafe cashier: I'm going to give you all one dollar today okay? I used to couldn't do that before.
Westborough, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Jen Miller
Worker #1: Working in an office has posed one major conundrum.
Worker #2: What's that?
Worker #1: Taking a shit.
Worker #2: Oh?
Worker #1: Yeah! At least when you work in retail you have those big restrooms that the public uses as well…
Worker #2: …
Worker #1: So when you shat you could blame it on the customers in the stall or go damn somebody dropped a biggun in here and the other employees would totally be unawares. In an office, it's a single toilet in the room and everybody sees you leave the crapper.
Worker #2: Yeah, I know what you mean I usually hold it.
Worker #1: I think I've developed stealth poo tactics. I'm like a poo ninja.
Worker #3: You know, you could just go to the other side of the building and shit in their toilets… Worker 1; poo ninja!!!!
Cincinnati OH
Overheard by: Ned No D
Boss: So why aren't they meeting their targets?
Project manager: The original estimates assumed attrition, and they haven't had any. (awkward pause) Except death.
Cincinnati, Ohio
Guy in jeans and flip flops walks into office at 11 a.m. and high-fives two employees on the way.
Newbie in suit: Dude, he’s totally pulling an Office Space. We better watch him — he might set the building on fire. Or start gutting fish at his desk.
Cube dweller: Okay, first of all, that was Milton who set the building on fire, not Peter Gibbons. Second, it’s Casual Friday, which is probably why he’s dressed like that. And third, he doesn’t work here.
Insurance office
Long Island, New York
Incompetent data entry clerk: What can we do to fix this misunderstanding on my part?
St. Louis, Missouri
Guy auditor to gal auditor: If I solve your dating problems will you then complete my audits for me?
Burlington, Massachusetts
Overheard by: How Do I Get That Deal
Pregnant coworker: Our workplace discriminates against women, because it sets the air conditioning too cold!
Sydney
Australia
