New York

He’s Practicing His Lines for His Book Club Discussion

Man in armchair, to no one: You’re always fuckin’ starting with me. Every morning! [Long pause] And then you start in on the gay thing. I’m not talking to you! You started it, and then you tell me to shut up. You shut up! Always, you start it then tell me to shut up. [Long pause] And you try to tell me I’m sick… Read a goddamn newspaper! There’s child porn, and Anna Nicole Smith is dead and they’re fighting over her baby, and you tell me I’m sick?!

Book store
Greece, New York

Overheard by: confused reader

…With a Great Build.

Engineer: I didn't say you're a good architect, but you're a very good guy.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: The_SuperVixen

5PM That’s a Wrap

Guy #1: Busy day tomorrow.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? What you got going on?
Guy #1: I’m going to pick up my babymamma tomorrow around 8 in the morning. We got a busy day ahead of us.
Guy #2: Word, you hanging out with your son?
Guy #1: Nope.
Guy #2: Oh.

Pause

Guy #1: Know any good hotels that charge by the hour?

State Capitol
Albany, New York

The Alpha Male Restores Order in the Pack with a Show of Aggression

Sales guy slamming down phone: Fucking bitch.
Boss: Tell me you didn’t just slam the phone down on our biggest billing client.
Sales guy: What? She couldn’t hear that.
Boss: What the fuck are you talking about?! I get the phone slammed down on me all the time — I fucking hear it.
Sales guy: Yeah, I guess maybe she could hear it.
Boss, picking up phone: Call me.
Sales guy, getting very nervous: No, it’s okay. I’m sorry.
Boss: Fucking call me. I said call me! Fucking do it now! [Sales guy calls. Boss starts slamming his receiver against his desk screaming] Can you fucking hear that?! Huh?! Can you fucking hear it, bitch?!
Sales guy: I hear it, boss, I hear it. Please, please stop.

Cleveland Street
Valley Stream, New York

Overheard by: amused coworker

That Requires Dinner, a Certain Charm, and All the Steps on This Process Map

Managing director handing envelope to secretary: Do you have a wet thing?

17 State Street
New York, New York

12PM Post Job Listing

Boss: It’s not like she’s moving to another state; she’s just moving out of state.

70 Charles Lindbergh Boulevard
Uniondale, New York

Opium Is Great!

Boss to intern: Why were you late today?
Intern: I was dreaming!

Midtown
New York City, New York

Overheard by: and he still got hired!?!

Diversity: Celebrating One Another’s Differences

OB/Gyn receptionist: No, I swear, they all walk funny. All of ’em! I think it’s because of the foot binding.

170 W. 12th Street
New York, NY

Translation: I Don’t Want to Understand Computers

Tech guy: The mouse won’t work if it’s off.
Coworker: You said reboot! I thought that meant to turn the computer off. I don’t understand computers.

Midtown
New York, New York

Raise Your Hand If You Assumed “Get My Freak On” Meant Something Else

White attorney,at deposition: Are there any activities you used to do before the accident that you can no longer do?
Trinidadian woman, 55: I can’t get my freak on anymore.
White attorney, smiling: Remember, I have to report this to a bunch of other white people. How often did you used to freak before the accident?
Trinidadian woman: Oh, I went to dance clubs all the time. Plus I used to go hiking all the time.
White attorney: And by “hiking,” you mean walking on nature trails, right? I mean, that’s not some hip-hop slang, right?
Trinidadian woman: Yeah, just walking up mountains and stuff.

Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

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