Coworker #1: What country is Switzerland in?
Coworker #2: I think it's in Ireland.
Michigan
Coworker #1: What country is Switzerland in?
Coworker #2: I think it's in Ireland.
Michigan
Account manager: Hey, [the customer] wants us to come in and make a presentation. Are you available to come with me next week?
Sales director: No. What I’m planning to do is to put together an entire project team — sales, marketing, engineering, quality, manufacturing, maybe even finance. I want to show that we have a comprehensive cross-functional team in place, so that we look like we know what we’re doing, no matter that the customer asks.
Account manager: That sounds great. Who else is gonna be on the team?
Sales director: Well, it looks like just me and you for now. Ask me again next month.
28100 Cabot Drive
Novi, Michigan
Customer: … And before I go, can I get your name, Stanley*?
Stanley, the salesman: Um… Well, it’s… Stanley.
Canton, Michigan
Woman #1: Hey! Look at you! I didn’t know you were back from maternity leave.
Woman #2: Yeah, I just came back yesterday.
Woman #1: I saw the pictures you emailed. She’s adorable. I remember you were worried about labor. How’d it go?
Woman #2: Not too bad, actually. Kind of what I expected. Although I punched my husband and threatened divorce during the worst of it.
Woman #1: Are you serious? What did he do?
Woman #2: Right when my contractions were about two minutes apart, he got nervous and attempted to distract me. So he kept making that ooohbah, ooohbah noise that those robot things made in Revenge of the Sith.
Woman #1: Omigod! I know what you’re talking about. What a jerk! That’s so funny, though.
Woman #2: Yeah, I know. We laugh about it now. But at the time I punched him in the stomach and called him a bastard. I told him if he opened his mouth again even to cough, we were getting a divorce. Poor guy wouldn’t even talk to the nurses after that.
777 Eisenhower Parkway
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Female coworker on phone: I am really sorry my pregnancy is an inconvenience to you, but guess what: it is an inconvenience to me too!
Westland, Michigan
Overheard by: Krystal
Doctor #1: I always say, “Carrots are like sandpaper for the colon.”
Doctor #2: Yeah, see, most people I know just eat them.
1500 East Medical Center Drive
Ann Arbor, Michigan
CEO wrapping up a video conference: I just want to thank everyone for making this the best three-way I’ve ever had!
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Admin Assistant K
Executive assistant: I think I touch and smell just about everything.
141 River’s Edge Drive
Traverse City, Michigan
Overheard by: Another Assistant
Technician: Ma’am, your Jaguar needs a new engine.
Jag owner: How can that be?
Technician: When’s the last time you had the oil changed?
Jag owner: My salesperson Vinnie* told me the car was maintenance-free, and just bring it in when it needs service.
Technician: No, ma’am, it’s not maintenance-free, it’s free maintenance.
1815 Maplelawn Drive
Troy, Michigan
Overheard by: Vinyl Junkie
Funeral director: So, you know all the procedures now, right?
Secretary: Yes, I believe so, I just never had to go get the organ out for a service.
Funeral director: Well, you know where it’s at, right?
Secretary: Yeah, so you just go in the back and pull it out and stick it in there, right?
2157 Oak Street
Wyandotte, Michigan
