Um, I'm Not That Kind Of Programmer

IT guy to another, about version 2.0 of the website: Is this the final solution?

Bethesa, Maryland

Overheard by: uncomfortable cube dweller

Posted on November 15, 2018
Maryland, Questions, Tech People, Technology, Weirdness, Words

Mr. Hefner's Getting Married Again

Lab manager: Well, we'll just keep the one with biggest rack.

Baltimore, Maryland

Posted on November 9, 2018
Body Parts, Maryland, Office Politics, Science and engineering, Weirdness

IT Guys Are More Likely to Beat You With a Memory Stick

Older IT guy: I live by the rule of thumb: “If the stick's not bigger than your thumb, you can beat 'em with it!” (laughs) Okay, now, go to your sent box…

Sparks, Maryland

Overheard by: Operator

Posted on November 3, 2018
Advice, Compare and contrast, General Idiocy, Maryland, Tech People

At Least I Can Stop Eating

Salesman: I’m just trying to help you! Every time I see you you’re eating.
Purchasing manager, mouth full of cookies: Every time I see you you’re ugly.

8900 Kelso Drive
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: Anonymous Temp

Posted on October 3, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Insults, Maryland

…Until I Learned Proper Grooming Habits

Female office worker, while eating trail mix: Man, all these nuts are making my throat itchy.
Male coworker, excitedly: That's what she said!

Baltimore, Maryland

Posted on July 16, 2018
Body Parts, Coworkers, Health & Hygiene, Maryland, Meals and Snacks, Sexuality

Reader Challenge: Take Your Office Mary Out to Lunch

Boss: Have you fixed that invoice?
Minion: Yeah! It was totally magical — Mary* thinks I’m awesome, and she’s going to do some stuff in the system and the invoice will be fixed!
Boss: So, we’re getting paid?
Minion: Yeah! Magical Mary will fix it, I’ll send it out, and we’ll get paid! Hooray for everyone!

200 Harry S. Truman Parkway
Annapolis, Maryland

Overheard by: Rica

Posted on July 15, 2018
Bosses and Underlings, Maryland, Time Management

Translation: He Was Black in a White Neighborhood

News reporter #1: Why was he arrested?
News reporter #2: I guess he was suspicious-looking.
News reporter #1: Was he just going around arbitrarily replacing windshields?

Southern Maryland

Overheard by: Cubicle neighbor