Asian girl: I only know his size in millimeters -it’s 245.
Shoe store clerk: I won’t be able to help you, we only have American sizes and centipedes.
Asian girl: Ok, Einstein. Give me a 24.5 centipede.
Potomac Mills
Woodbridge, Virginia
Overheard by: Steve
Boss: Hey, do you think you could go down to the cafeteria and get me one of those teeny tiny things of 1% milk for my cereal?
Intern: You know, with my dual degree from business school, I think I may be able to swing that…I’ll bring another intern as backup just in case.
555 Madison Avenue
New York, New York
Coworker: His problem is that he has two perfectly good legs attached to an asshole. He needs to have his legs removed so he can be a whole asshole.
Manchester, Connecticut
Overheard by: very amused
Customer: Why does the leather look like this on the the boot? Does this mean it's shit?
Sales girl: Well, I…
Customer: It's shit, isn't it? Tell me they're shit.
Sales girl: …their shit?
Customer: Perfect, I'll take them.
Shoe Shop
New York City, New York
Overheard by: Confused
Supervisor (in a sing-song voice): Sex with Steven is more boring than church.
Employee #1: (humming along)
Supervisor: Sex with Steven is like…a handjob during Golden Girls.
Employee #1: Sex with Steven is like getting off on a baby carrot.
Employee #2: A baby pickle.
Employee #1: Whatever. Sex with Steven is…like an orgy with old people.
(pause)
Supervisor : You took it too far.
Hamilton
Ontario
Canadia
Overheard by: some girl.
Worker #1: Did you know there was a midget in our building?
Worker #2: Hiding?
Worker #1: No, working on three, asshole.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Supervisor sniffles and rubs eyes.
Brand new employee: Do you have allergies?
Supervisor: No, I am crying because you work here.
1701 16th Avenue
Gainesville, Florida
Attorney: I’m so pregnant… My husband always says, ‘Honey, you’re a whale!’ And then I tell him, ‘Shut up! You’re an immigrant!’
Admin: You should really stop saying that to him.
Attorney: Well, he is, and it’s a term of endearment! Like when I call you a dirty whore!
Hackensack, New Jersey
Receptionist: You guys.
Co-worker #1: How old are you today?
Co-worker #2: Hell, if her skin is anything like the rings of a tree…
Office: …
Co-worker #2: What?
1490 Francis Drive
Daytona Beach, Florida
