Broker #1: Okay, here's one: would you rather lick the bulge on Jimmy's leg or eat the skin that Richard peeled off his foot last year?
Broker #2: As sick as this sounds, I'd take Jimmy's bulge in a second. I had to sit next to Richard. His foot had a crack in it so deep you could stick a pencil in it.
Chicago, Illinois
Office drone to coworker: She had a very busy weekend, but what she was most excited about was the sausage party!
Chicago, Illinois
Employee #1: I don’t know how you got a better review than you did last year.
Employee #2: Yeah, me either.
Employee #1: You know, I really only get about 50% out of you each day.
Employee #2: Yeah, that sounds about right. Some days more, some days less. Usually less.
Employee #1: Wouldn’t it be great if I got that 100% out of you, though?
Employee #2: Probably, but I really just don’t feel like it.
901 Warrenville Road
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Recovering Workaholic
File clerk: So do the Summer Olympics happen every… eight years?
Law clerk: Um, four years.
File clerk: I'm taking this quiz. Is Canada in South America?
Law clerk: North America.
Law Office
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Perplexed
Co-worker #1: Have you ever been to Greece?
Co-worker #2: Yup.
Co-worker #1: Did you go see ruins of Pantheos?
Co-worker #2: You mean, “the Parthenon?”
Co-worker #1: Yeah, that’s it! Aw man, today I’ve got…what’s that called?
Co-worker #2: Stupid?
Co-worker #1: Ha, ha. Very funny. No…oh! Mind dyslexia!
Co-worker #2: As opposed to body dyslexia?
216 W. Jackson Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois
Cashier: Since this is a liquidation, all sales are final and there are no returns or exchanges.
Customer: So if something's wrong with it, I can't return it?
Cashier: That's right.
Customer: Okay.
Customer, after item is paid for: So, I can return this if it's wrong?
Cashier, sighing: You know what? Give it a whirl. Let me know how that goes.
Chicago, Illinois
Law Firm Partner: How do you log on to our website?
Secretary: We don’t have a website.
Law Firm Partner: Can make one up real quick? There’s a girl who’s trying to sell us a website and I told her we already have one.
329 18th Street
Rock Island, Illinois
Employee #1: They got suspended.
Employee #2: Why?
Employee #1: They were grinding during the National Anthem.
Employee #2: Oh, how do you do that?
Employee #1: Haven’t you seen the pony commercial? You can grind to anything.
201 Recreation Drive
Bolingbrook, Illinois
Banker #1: How do you file an old CD referral?
Banker #2: Well you submit it and cancel it and submit it and cancel it and repeat that 5 times, and then wash your hands…Oh, I thought you said OCD referral. Like obsessive-compul–
Banker #1: I get it.
1241 South Wabash Avenue
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Teddy
Coworker on phone: You mean “s” as in “Frank”?
Morris, Illinois
