Maintenance guy: How many nervous breakdowns are we allowed to have in a year?
Office Manager: Excuse me?
Maintenance guy: I don’t know if we are supposed to stay within a goal.
5825 Chimney Rock Road
Houston, Texas
Maintenance guy: How many nervous breakdowns are we allowed to have in a year?
Office Manager: Excuse me?
Maintenance guy: I don’t know if we are supposed to stay within a goal.
5825 Chimney Rock Road
Houston, Texas
Worker #1: We’re out of toilet paper.
Worker #2: The supply closet is empty.
Worker #1: I think they’re stuffing their vaginal canals with it to smuggle some home.
215 South Country Road
Bellport, New York
Account Exec: …I stopped by this morning to go over stuff from the call but you were out. Were you at [the client]’s?
VP: No, actually, to be perfectly honest, I just ate way too many grapes this morning.
555 Sparkman Drive NW
Huntsville, Alabama
Plant Manager: Thanks. That really takes a load off my ass. I’ve had a headache all day.
2nd Avenue S
Birmingham, Alabama
VP: It’s not working. I can’t get it up. I can’t get it up.
CEO: They make a pill for that now, you know.
28 Crescent Street
Middletown, Connecticut
Intercom: This is an announcement from the building fire safety department; it is just a test. If you could not hear this message, please contact the fire warden. Thanks for your attention.
1221 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Office manager: Yeah, technically I’m supposed to be the one in charge of organizing everyone to evacuate if there is a fire. But…if this were the real thing, it’s every man for himself.
Co-worker: That’s horrible.
Office manager: The people I feel worst for are the handicapped. They have to find someone to help them out of the building…and I just don’t know who would do that.
3535 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Worker: I need to go home, I think I have caffeine poisoning.
Boss: Caffeine poisoning?
Worker: Yeah, I think the coffee made me sick.
Boss: Is it like being on too much speed?
810 Dominican Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
Boss: Well, apparently he has a girlfriend who may be going through cancer treatments. But you can still be friends with him, it’s good to have connections.
Secretary: What? No! I don’t need any more friends. She has cancer? God, I can’t compete with that, forget it.
321 Walnut Street
Green Cove Springs, Florida
Guy #1: Oh, that's sticky. Touch it.
Guy #2: I don't want to touch it. I just washed my hands.
Guy #1: Come on!
Guy #2, touches rubber stamp: Oh, that is sticky! Gross!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Registered nurse: Damn, all my patients have peed! And they're all dialysis patients!
Tech: Damn their kidneys for working!
Hospital
Bowling Green, Kentucky
