Plant Manager: Thanks. That really takes a load off my ass. I’ve had a headache all day.
2nd Avenue S
Birmingham, Alabama
Plant Manager: Thanks. That really takes a load off my ass. I’ve had a headache all day.
2nd Avenue S
Birmingham, Alabama
VP: It’s not working. I can’t get it up. I can’t get it up.
CEO: They make a pill for that now, you know.
28 Crescent Street
Middletown, Connecticut
Intercom: This is an announcement from the building fire safety department; it is just a test. If you could not hear this message, please contact the fire warden. Thanks for your attention.
1221 6th Avenue
New York, NY
Office manager: Yeah, technically I’m supposed to be the one in charge of organizing everyone to evacuate if there is a fire. But…if this were the real thing, it’s every man for himself.
Co-worker: That’s horrible.
Office manager: The people I feel worst for are the handicapped. They have to find someone to help them out of the building…and I just don’t know who would do that.
3535 Market Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Worker: I need to go home, I think I have caffeine poisoning.
Boss: Caffeine poisoning?
Worker: Yeah, I think the coffee made me sick.
Boss: Is it like being on too much speed?
810 Dominican Drive
Nashville, Tennessee
Boss: Well, apparently he has a girlfriend who may be going through cancer treatments. But you can still be friends with him, it’s good to have connections.
Secretary: What? No! I don’t need any more friends. She has cancer? God, I can’t compete with that, forget it.
321 Walnut Street
Green Cove Springs, Florida
Guy #1: Oh, that's sticky. Touch it.
Guy #2: I don't want to touch it. I just washed my hands.
Guy #1: Come on!
Guy #2, touches rubber stamp: Oh, that is sticky! Gross!
DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois
Registered nurse: Damn, all my patients have peed! And they're all dialysis patients!
Tech: Damn their kidneys for working!
Hospital
Bowling Green, Kentucky
Longtime standing employee: You've used up all your mulligans.
Temp employee: What do you mean? Today? This week?
Longtime standing employee: For the remainder of your stay.
Escondido, California
Overheard by: Mike G
Coworker #1: The shit's gonna hit the fan! (group laughter)
Coworker #2: You know, I've actually seen that.
(group pause)
Coworker #1: You see, I used to work on a dairy farm…
Dean's Office, Boston College
Boston, Massachusetts
Cubicle guy #1: So your sister had surgery?
Cubicle guy #2: Yeah, she had a hysterectomy.
Cubicle guy #1: Oh, wow, so she don't want more kids.
Cubicle guy #2: Well, she had a c-section with the last one and there was so much scar tissue in her uterus that she was having never-ending periods and just bleeding for months on end. She said she was not doing anything but bleeding and passing golf ball-sized clots and ruining her furniture, clothes, sheets. She was tired of having really bloody periods.
Cubicle guy #1: Oh.
Atlanta, Georgia
Overheard by: Rachael
