Suit on cell: Can I call you back in a minute? I’m about to, uh, walk the lizard. Okay, bye.
Guy in stall: It’s ‘drain the lizard,’ you idiot.
534 Broad Hollow Road
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Suit on cell: Can I call you back in a minute? I’m about to, uh, walk the lizard. Okay, bye.
Guy in stall: It’s ‘drain the lizard,’ you idiot.
534 Broad Hollow Road
Melville, New York
Overheard by: Super Mike
Coworker, about inappropriate supervisor: It's like working in the geriatric Jersey Shore.
College
Massachusetts
Lou*: Who do I call to get a shirt for the trade show?
Jen*: You email Erin*.
Lou: Can I just copy you in so I have a witness that this year I ordered a men’s shirt?
Lake Success, New York
Female employee, about customer: He’s afraid of his wife.
Male employee #1: And may I ask who isn’t?!
Male employee #2: I don’t fear my wife, I just respect her power.
Eden Prairie, Minnesota
Editor: Never mind the farting sounds you heard from across the hall. They’re nothing to worry about.
353 Sacramento Street
San Francisco, California
Manager: Well, you must have felt the body when you ran over it.
Employee with foreign accent: I did not feel it.
Manager: You didn’t feel a thump?
Employee with foreign accent: I thought I was dragging a trash bag.
Harborside Drive
East Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Addababy Itsaboy
Bond salesperson to trader: Yeah, Stew’s* pretty conservative. He doesn’t do Fannies.
1000 SW Broadway
Portland, Oregon
Nurse: Thanks for taking out the trash. I’ve been a nurse for so long I don’t have a sense of smell anymore. You could roll in roadkill and I wouldn’t notice.
15001 Quivira Road
Overland Park, Kansas
Overheard by: Naomi
Woman #1: He had such a big penis.
Woman #2: Oh my God, that is so hot. Did you hear about Richard*?
Woman #1: But he is a subordinate! I am not cheating on my husband with a subordinate. It feels more guilty that way. At least I feel like I’m gaining more than pleasure from sleeping with the exec.
Main Street
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Guy #1: I heard she is a squatter.
Guy #2: Really, she has no place to live?
Guy #1: No, she squats above the toilet seat and goes to the bathroom. It gets everywhere so HR is going to talk to her.
Guy #2: Can you imagine what the bathroom in her house must look like?
9740 Irvine Boulevard
Irvine, California
