Orientation presenter: In all the code fives I've responded to over the years, there's only been one that involved a weapon. But if you hear “code five lobby” announced overhead, and then you hear shots fired, don't go into the lobby!
Albany General Hospital
Albany, Oregon
Overheard by: Naomi
Intern #1: Can I try your sandwich?
Intern #2: Let me think about it for…no. Friendship, food: two very different things.
136 Tooley Street
London, England
Overheard by: Jessica Reed
Staff #1: Does anyone know what that sign refers to?
Senior Associate: Which one?
Staff #1: The one that says “2121 Lunch E On”.
Staff #2: Did you just say “Lunch E On”?
Staff #1: Well, what does it say?
2345 Crystal Drive
Arlington, Virginia
Overheard by: Ten Kay
Manager on phone with refrigeration company: That oven that never comes on but is always on? It didn’t come on.
Answering service: Would you please repeat that?
Manager: You know, that oven that never comes on but is always on? Well, it didn’t come on.
Answering service: Thank you, sir. I’ll let the service rep know.
Restaurant, Slide Road and Loop 289
Lubbock, Texas
Employee: Hey, I have an open hour today. Is there anything you need?
Supervisor #1: Um, yeah. One of the ceiling tiles broke, and they don’t make that type anymore, and in order to get an estimate redoing all the ceiling tiles, I need you to go around and count them.
Supervisor #2: Yeah…but in the corners: you know how they aren’t full tiles? You need to measure them and figure out what percentage of a full tile it is. You know, so we can get an accurate assessment.
30 minutes go by.
Supervisor #1: Are you seriously counting all of those tiles?
Employee: Yeah, why? Oh, man. Fuck you guys.
11161 Mill Valley Road
Omaha, Nebraska
Overheard by: Bronxie
Power broker #1: Two large cappuccinos.
Cashier: Thank you. That will be $4.50.
Power broker #1: Where’s the cinnamon?
Cashier: I’m sorry, we’re out of cinnamon.
Power broker #1: Then I don’t want it!
Cashier: Excuse me?
Power broker #2: Okay, let’s just bring it back to the office.
Power broker #1: No! Just give me my money back. I can’t drink the foamy milk without the cinnamon.
100 Broadway
New York, New York
Overheard by: Mark
Receptionist: Hello. May I help you?
Woman: I would like to apply for a job here.
Receptionist: Why are you leaving your current job?
Woman: Ain’t no movin’ up positions.
220 Dupont Street
Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: Jack Boston
Data entry: It would suck to live in New Orleans, what with all the hurricanes that go there.
Boss: Where would you live?
Data entry: California for sure.
Boss: What about earthquakes?
777 3rd Avenue
New York, NY
Customer: And what are your hours?
Leasing rep: We’re open from 10 to 6.
Customer: So could I do 6:30?
Leasing rep: No, we close at 6.
Customer: Oh, okay, I guess that’ll work then.
Randallstown, Maryland
Overheard by: tkap
Co-worker #1: Why are you sitting there starring at your monitor while the computer is off?
Co-worker #2: Because I recieved a server message stating that it was going to install something on my computer and that I should save everything before 15 minutes are up because the system will shut down.
Co-worker #1: Did you save everything?
Co-worker #2: Yes.
Co-worker #1: Did the computer shut down by itself?
Co-worker #2: Yes.
Co-worker #1: So, why are you sitting there starring at the monitor while the computer is off?
Co-worker #2: I’m waiting for the computer to start back up.
Co-worker #1: Have you pressed the power button?
Co-worker #2: No.
1000 Jerry St. Pe’ Highway
Pascagoula, Mississippi
