Consultant #1: Where is [Jeff]?
Consultant #2: He’s not in my cubicle. That leaves the rest of the universe for you to search.
Consultant #1: Is he at lunch?
Consultant #2: If you’re going to start looking, do it now. The universe closes at 5.
250 Broadway
New York, NY
VP:I swear to God, the assistant at [DouglasCo] is so stupid.
Admin: Hey, even stupid people need jobs.
Coworker: Yeah. Some of them even make it to VP.
388 Greenwich Street
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: Hey, we get off for February 20th, too.
Co-worker #2: Oh, for President’s Day? Wait, when is Independence Day? That’s in the summer, right?
Co-worker #1: Uh, yeah, that’s July 4th.
175 5th Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Peter H
Accountant: Could you call and get someone to come and service our coffee machine?
Receptionist: Sure! What’s going on with it?
Accountant: The hot water tap just tastes like regular tap water.
1625 North Palafox Street
Pensacola, Florida
Marketing: Oh my god, I don’t know what is going on with this, but I swear, I had to look up so many big words while I was doing this thing; Like…”ire“? “Emu“? What the hell are these?
421 NW Riverside Drive
Evansville, Indiana
Designer: I know this stage like the back of my palm.
1438 North Gower Street
Los Angeles, California
Assistant: If you want to see how dusty the floor is, just look at the heels on my shoes.
Project Manager: Oh, I thought you were telling me to look at your knees.
1100 West Anderson Court
Oak Creek, Wisconsin
Secretary: Something’s wrong with my computer. I think it’s broken.
IT: Your monitor is off.
201 Forrester Drive
Greenville, South Carolina
Account Manager: I’m getting more serious getting these people to pay. I’ve been letting them know if they don’t call me back, I’ll have to take affirmative action!
General Manager: Do you know what that means?
Account Manager: Yeah! It means I’m serious!
General Manager: No, “affirmative action” is when you give someone a job just because they’re a certain minority group or sex.
Account Manager: Oh. I bet they don’t know what it means either!
1570 North McMullen Booth Road
Clearwater, Florida
Co-worker #1: Man, it’s freezing outside.
Co-worker #2: My outside thermometer says it’s 83 degrees.
Co-worker #3: Maybe it’s in metrics or something.
1345 Monroe Avenue NW
Grand Rapids, Michigan
