General Idiocy

1PM Vacation Memo

Boss: Did I forget to tell you that we will be open this Monday? I decided not to close the office after all.

Employee: For what?

Boss: It’s Labor Day, and I was going to close the office, but decided not to.

Employee: It’s not Labor Day! Memorial Day is this month, but not until the end of the month.

Boss: It says right here on my calendar it’s Labor Day. I thought it was weird that Labor and Memorial Day were in the same month.

Employee: Let me see that calendar. . . Oh, for God’s sakes, do you see that M by the date?

Boss: Ummm, yeah.

Employee: That means Labor Day for Mexico!

Boss: No kidding! Wow, I feel really stupid!

Employee: Yeah, you should! Happy Labor Day, Senorita!

4302 West Crystal Lake Road
McHenry, Illinois

Overheard by: Gramma

10AM Coffee Break

Employee to uniformed employee: You working today?
UE looks down at shirt: Nope, I’m just a figment of your imagination.

1125 Woodruff Road
Greenville, South Carolina

Overheard by: Roman Fox

4PM Error Message

Computer tech: how often you clean your hard drive?
Customer: Once in a while, but I always use Windex.

27 Scotch Road
Trenton, New Jersey

Overheard by: chris doan

11AM Running Reports

Group leader: You filed the wrong report for this transaction.
Clerk: That’s the way [Lisa] trained me to do it.
Group leader: Which proves idiotisms are contagious.
Clerk: Yeah, you’re right… I mean no…. I mean, I don’t like it when you make me have to think about what you say.

5760 East Highway 80
Pearl, Mississippi

10AM Brainstorming Session

Manager: We should try putting up our design pattern library on one of those new . . . kiwis!
Drone: [Sigh] Wikis?

1 Kirkwood Boulevard
Southlake, Texas

3PM Tea Run

Admin #1: Without extremes, normalcy wouldn’t exist.
Admin #2: Wow, we’re getting heavy now.
Admin #3: Back from tour one day, and you’re already waxing poetic?
Admin #1: Wait, isn’t that what fractals and Jurassic Park are about?
Admin #2 & 3: What?
Admin #1: Extremes, fractals and Jurassic Park. Wasn’t anyone a nerd like me?
Admin #2: Um, no.

3 Lafayette Avenue
Brooklyn, New York

10AM Exit Interview

CSR: I feel bad though that I’m leaving — I really like it here.
Manager: Oh, don’t feel bad. We got our money’s worth out of you.
Supervisor: Uh.
Manager: Um, I know, that sounds bad, huh. What I mean is that we, as a company, would much rather hire smart people who leave after two years than stupid people who stay here for, like, forty.
CSR: Thanks?

473 Ridge Road
Dayton, New Jersey

Overheard by: office peon

10AM Coffee Break

Marketing manager: Maybe you should have one pink and one blue for your kids.
CSR: Oooh, yeah!
Manager: Well, wait, what do pink and blue make? Purple? No.
CSR: No?
Manager: No, black and blue make purple. Or was it black and red?

421 Northwest Riverside Drive
Evansville, Indiana

3PM Snack Time

Male employee: I was sitting at my desk and I was thinking “There’s something missing.” And I was like, “Oh yeah! Nuts in my mouth.”

1111 Lockheed Martin Way
Sunnyvale, California

12PM Lunch

Male bank teller: I’m winning the Mega Millions tonight.
Female bank teller: I’m getting a brace for my leg.
Male teller: Screw that brace. When I win the Mega Millions we’ll get you a new leg! We’ll just cut that one off and I’ll get you a prostate.

725 East Big Beaver Road
Troy, Michigan

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