General Idiocy

It’s Hard to Keep All Those Former Soviet States Straight

Girl: Hey, Pete*, are you feeling smart today?
Guy #1: Maybe, why?
Girl: Do you know if Korea is a separate country, or is it, like, part of China or Japan?
Guy #1: I have no idea. Why do you need to know?
Girl: I’m trying to look up UPS rates for Korea, but I can’t find Korea.
Guy #1: Troy*!
Guy #2: Yes?
Guy #1: Is Korea a separate country from China or Japan?
Guy #2: Yes.
Girl: OK, well, I can’t find it on the drop-down. Is it called something else?
Guy #2: Republic of Korea?
Girl: No.
Guy #2: South Korea?
Girl: Oh… OK, there it is!

Phoenix, Arizona

The Red Sea Was a Giant Wine Bar

Devout drinker: So if you think about it… Moses would want you to be drunk right now.

1 University Station
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Converting to Judaism

She’s One of Those Undercover Deafies

Grease monkey #1: That woman over there…
Grease monkey #2: Yeah?
Grease monkey #1: Is she deaf or something?
Grease monkey #2: Yeah, she’s deaf.
Grease monkey #1: But she looks just like any other woman, yo!

Jiffy Lube, Rosecrans Boulevard
San Diego, California

Overheard by: BigWig

Solitaire Is a Conspiracy by the Black Man to Undermine White Productivity

Employee #1: Blacks, blacks everywhere! Stupid blacks! I can’t do anything with them. They just take over.
Employee #2: Cletus*, quit playing solitaire and do some work.

Downtown
Missoula, Montana

Overheard by: non-profit ninja

We Only Sell Information Here

Customer: Does this come in black?
Store clerk: Yes. [walks off]

Department store, Rockville Pike
Rockville, Maryland

Overheard by: Doctor Whom

Thus, He Probably Overcharged for His Chuppahs

Employee #1: Well, we already live together.
Employee #2: Oooh, living in sin!
Employee #3: Jesus won’t be happy with you.
Employee #1: Well, I’m Jewish, so Jesus already isn’t too happy with me.
Employee #3: That’s true.
Employee #1: I think when I get married under a chuppah, he might get upset!
Employee #2: Jesus was Jewish, though.
Employee #3: Jesus was also a carpenter.

1500 Broadway
New York, New York

Actually, It’s a Generational Rorschach Test

Twentysomething new hire: Why is there a Harry Potter picture in our lobby?
Fortysomething manager: Actually that’s a painting of John Lennon.

Silicon Valley, California

Overheard by: Pop Culturally Literate

So That’s Why People Go into Hairstyling

Stylist on phone: Oh, I gave you the wrong phone number…. So is that like a fact-smile? A fact-smile. It says here the fact-smile number is 312-555-1234*.

South Loop
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: waiting for a haircut

I Can Sell Her Anything!

Assistant: Let me see if she’s available… Missy, do you want to talk to a Janie* at US, Inc.*?
Missy: She’s a dumbass… Yeah, I want to talk to her.

8220 England Street
Charlotte, North Carolina

Well, That Rules Out Marine Biology

Ditz: I’d really like to pursue my acting and singing career. I think I’m really good at that.
Dad: [Nods]Ditz: But if that doesn’t work out I could always be a marine biologist. But you know? I’d really rather keep working at Target. It smells sooo good.

TGI Friday’s
Frederick, Maryland

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