Co-worker #1: Do you know any strippers?
Co-worker #2: Um…
Co-worker #1: No, I mean people who can strip paint.
640 Broadway
New York, NY
Co-worker #1: Do you know any strippers?
Co-worker #2: Um…
Co-worker #1: No, I mean people who can strip paint.
640 Broadway
New York, NY
Boss: I’m just going to stop taking notes and just use yours after the meeting, because I have no idea what’s going on.
545 Fifth Avenue
New York, New York
Peon #1: Stop making faces behind my back!
Peon #2: I am making them in front of you!
New York City, New York
Guy: Humans are the only mammals that rape face-to-face.
Girl #1: What about dolphins?
Girl #2: But sharks don’t. Sharks dance.
Guy: Sharks aren’t mammals.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, you said mammals. But penguins don’t.
Guy: Penguins aren’t mammals either.
Tucson, Arizona
Boss on cell: It's sort of like that throat-clearing noise favored by the Germans, you know?
Sydney
Australia
Overheard by: Ahem
Boss: That’s what I hate about these people who take the Bible literally: it’s so pick and choose! What about all the parts where you get stoned for looking at bread the wrong way?
Print shop
Sunset Park, Brooklyn, New York
Overheard by: milu
Jr. Developer: What we need is an alien invasion.
Deveveloper #11: We have one. Mexicans.
Jr. Developer: [sigh] What we need is an extraterrestrial alien invasion.
Developer #2: Boy, you sure have it out for the aliens.
Developer #1: I can’t help it. I’m a xenophobe.
Jr. Developer: The whole world is xenophobic. We need the extraterrestrial invasion in order to unite the globe and to make us stop fighting amongst ourselves.
Developer #1: Until after they left.
Jr. Developer: No, because they came from space, there could always be more of them. As paranoid humans, we have to hunt them down and exterminate them all in order to protect ourselves.
Pause
Jr. Developer: Besides, they might have oil.
501 Corporate Centre Drive
Franklin, Tennessee
Overheard by: Brian
FedEx Driver: Gs prices are so expensive I am thinking about delivering packages on a bike.
Warehouse employee: You and your people should be used to that.
4000 Coolidge Avenue
Baltimore, Maryland
Employee: I have to leave, my mother’s bleeding.
Manager: Again?
Employee: Bleeding somewhere down there [gestures below waist] — she’s not sure where.
Manager: What kind of doctor do you call for that?
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Bailiff: Okay, I think we need a Jewish interpreter over here! What did you say? Hay broo? Okay, whatever.
141 Livingston Street
Brooklyn, New York
