Creepster #1 smelling women’s deodorant: Smell this: it smells like raspberry. Mmm!
Creepster #2: Smell this… It smells good! It’s called ‘Unscented’!
Creepster #1: Mmm.
Walmart
Concord, New Hampshire
Overheard by: walking away quickly as to not disturb them
Man: Why are you allowing a day spa? I didn’t think you allowed day spas in this town. When you have day spas you attract people who get facials, and we don’t want those kinds of people in this town!
Redlands City Hall
Redlands, California
Air Force interviewer: What did you major in at college?
Interviewee: Chinese. Well, actually, my degree was in ‘Asian and Middle Eastern Languages and Literature.’
Air Force interviewer: Oh, that’s so cool. So, you speak Asian?
Interviewee: Um, yes.
Boston, Massachusetts
Coworker: I was in a car accident once, but it wasn’t my fault because I was asleep.
1855 South Grant Street
San Mateo, California
Overheard by: Not carpooling anymore
Manager: Where’s Patti*?
Worker: Her husband is having that cadillac surgery. She won’t be in until later.
Manager: Cadillac surgery?
Worker: You know — when they take the globs off of your eyes so you can see?
Rochelle Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: admin in charge
Middle-aged guy #1 looking at menu: Hey, man, they spelled ‘Caesar’ wrong.
Middle-aged guy #2: What do you mean?
Middle-aged guy #1: They spelled it C-A-E-S-A-R instead of C-E-A-S-A-R. They switched the ‘A’ and ‘E.’
Middle-aged guy #2: Yeah, I’ve seen it spelled that way before. It’s, like, the authentic Roman spelling.
Middle-aged guy #1: Oh, yeah, they were always doing crazy shit… Like backward V’s and stuff.
Sam Snead’s Tavern
Shawnee on Delaware, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Logan
Black woman on cell: All he did was look at my vagina, and I owe him 300 dollars?
Federal Credit Union, 2nd Avenue and Chestnut Street
Louisville, Kentucky
Marketing professor: How many countries are in Africa? I’m going to go around the room, and each of you give me a number.
Student #1: 50?
Student #2: 62?
Student #3: 54?
Marketing professor to sorority girl: How many do you think?
Sorority girl: I thought Africa was a country.
Peoria, Illinois
Suit #1: Hey, you always participate in the office Volunteer Day events. You did the March of Dimes Walk earlier this year. Are you going to paint the homeless shelter next month?
Suit #2: No. I did the March of Dimes Walk because the babies can’t walk it. The homeless can paint their own shelter.
32nd Street
Jersey City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Harvard MBA student: So, are you flying back tonight? What airport are you flying into? New York?
Suit: Why would we fly to New York? We’re from Philadelphia.
Harvard MBA student: I didn’t know Philadelphia had an airport.
Suit: It’s the fifth-largest city in the U.S., of course it has an airport.
Harvard MBA student: Largest city? Based on what?
Suit: Uh, population…
<br/Hotel elevator
Harvard, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Not hiring any MBAs
