VP: What's the name of the company I'm thinking of? We've got a job with them.
Engineer: Starts with…?
VP: A. A something. Aaaaaaa…
Engineer: Ass-fuckers anonymous?
VP, quietly: Ass-fuckers anonymous… Ass…
Engineer: Yeah, AFA, but trust me, it's not that. I just made that up.
VP, very loudly: Ass-fuckers anonymous!?
Engineer: Dude, can you not yell “ass-fuckers anonymous” when I'm in your office?
Paterson, New Jersey
Boss: Me and my wife would drive a hundred miles for a jar of good pickles!
10749 West 84th Terrace
Lenexa, Kansas
Overheard by: PeaveyMan
Boss, looking out window at parking lot full of snow: It's like a parking lot out there!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Boss lady: How was your weekend?
Top employee: Well, I spent Sunday morning in the hospital because…
Boss lady, interrupting: Was it because you're a cracked-out whore?
Forest Grove, Oregon
Overheard by: Jessi-ca
Boss: So just use a black highlighter to mark—
Assistant: Black highlighter?
Boss: I meant ‘Sharpie.’ Yes, don’t ever get the two mixed up.
Herndon, Virginia
Data architect manager: And the new tables — who’s taking care of that?
DBA: Danny Phu*.
Data architect manager, making a note: Danny… F-U?
DBA: Excuse me?
1555 Lundy Parkway
Dearborn, Michigan
Big Wig: Look at that!
He gestures at stapled paper.
Big Wig: I got it in the same hole…I’ve been trying to get it in the same hole for twenty years!
633 Spirit Drive
Chesterfield, Missouri
Senior officer: They keep changing the uniforms! I can’t tell who’s in the Navy and who’s parking cars!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Manager: Since most of these are not used, let’s go through and upgrade those first, then we’ll see what’s left.
Programmer: If they’re not used, we don’t need to upgrade them, right?
Manager: Right, but we need to figure out which ones are used.
Programmer: Can’t we figure that out by eliminating the ones that aren’t used without upgrading them?
Manager: No, we need to upgrade the obsolete programs first.
580 Walnut Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Boss: Wait, is the internet on?
Bethesda, Maryland
