Data architect manager: And the new tables — who’s taking care of that?
DBA: Danny Phu*.
Data architect manager, making a note: Danny… F-U?
DBA: Excuse me?
1555 Lundy Parkway
Dearborn, Michigan
Data architect manager: And the new tables — who’s taking care of that?
DBA: Danny Phu*.
Data architect manager, making a note: Danny… F-U?
DBA: Excuse me?
1555 Lundy Parkway
Dearborn, Michigan
Big Wig: Look at that!
He gestures at stapled paper.
Big Wig: I got it in the same hole…I’ve been trying to get it in the same hole for twenty years!
633 Spirit Drive
Chesterfield, Missouri
Senior officer: They keep changing the uniforms! I can’t tell who’s in the Navy and who’s parking cars!
Navy Yard
Washington, DC
Manager: Since most of these are not used, let’s go through and upgrade those first, then we’ll see what’s left.
Programmer: If they’re not used, we don’t need to upgrade them, right?
Manager: Right, but we need to figure out which ones are used.
Programmer: Can’t we figure that out by eliminating the ones that aren’t used without upgrading them?
Manager: No, we need to upgrade the obsolete programs first.
580 Walnut Street
Cincinnati, Ohio
Boss: Wait, is the internet on?
Bethesda, Maryland
General Manager: I have an email problem, I need you to answer a question…Do I have to use all lowercase Ls here? Can’t I use 1s? They look like 1s.
IT: No! You have to use Ls! That is how e-mail works! It’s an address that you have to get right!
General Manager: It’s hard to tell if it is an L or a 1.
IT: Well yes, but from context clues, the email says, “Little Girl.”
General Manager: Well you know what they say about assuming. Makes an ass…you…me.
13601 FM 529 Road
Houston, Texas
Manager in meeting: We’ll hit that bridge when we come to it.
London
England
Boss: Just because I don’t wear my clothes to work doesn’t mean I don’t have them.
55 Elk Street
Albany, New York
Overheard by: clothed employee
Boss to assistant: Well, I don’t remember what all I had, um, asked you to do before I went on vacation, but did you, like, um, do it?
Non-profit agency
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: steeleskillz
Boss, reading through company e-mails: Can I talk to you about this e-mail you sent to a client?
Employee: Sure.
Boss: In this e-mail you started out with the word “yay”; when I read this it struck me as very unprofessional. You shouldn't use the word “yay” when speaking with our clients.
Employee: That doesn't say “yay, it says “yeah”. It's a response to a question the client had.
Boss: Y-e-a-h is “yay.” Let's not use it in e-mails in the future, okay?
Employee: Okay (then under breath as he walks away) Fucking moron!
Salt Lake City, Utah
