Boss: From now on, people, we’re going to make Perfection our baseline.
The development team laughs.
Developer: Dude, whatever the fuck you’ve been reading, stop it.
1 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
Boss: From now on, people, we’re going to make Perfection our baseline.
The development team laughs.
Developer: Dude, whatever the fuck you’ve been reading, stop it.
1 Madison Avenue
New York, NY
Overheard by: Mad William Flint
Assistant: Is this poster going to be mandatory?
Manager: We’re going to treat this as being required, but not mandatory.
227 W. Monroe Street
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Caleb Yarian
Boss: This is not an interactive meeting, so no feedback of any kind. Every customer who gives a commitment today will get a $350 Home Depot giftcard. This is only until the end of business today.
Loan Officer: But I got a customer commitment yesterday. Can I tell her that we will send her one?
Boss: Didn’t I just say that this meeting is not interactive? I won’t answer your stupid questions.
Loan Office: …So what’s the answer?
The boss storms out.
Loan Officer: I’ll just ask him later.
2700 Westchester Avenue
Purchase, New York
Marketing manager: I made it up based on logic…or something.
1 Prudential Plaza
Chicago, Illinois
Manager: It starts on the first half, and all of a sudden we’re on the next-to-last half.
100 Broadway
New York, New York
VP: What's the name of the company I'm thinking of? We've got a job with them.
Engineer: Starts with…?
VP: A. A something. Aaaaaaa…
Engineer: Ass-fuckers anonymous?
VP, quietly: Ass-fuckers anonymous… Ass…
Engineer: Yeah, AFA, but trust me, it's not that. I just made that up.
VP, very loudly: Ass-fuckers anonymous!?
Engineer: Dude, can you not yell “ass-fuckers anonymous” when I'm in your office?
Paterson, New Jersey
Boss: Me and my wife would drive a hundred miles for a jar of good pickles!
10749 West 84th Terrace
Lenexa, Kansas
Overheard by: PeaveyMan
Boss, looking out window at parking lot full of snow: It's like a parking lot out there!
Minneapolis, Minnesota
Boss lady: How was your weekend?
Top employee: Well, I spent Sunday morning in the hospital because…
Boss lady, interrupting: Was it because you're a cracked-out whore?
Forest Grove, Oregon
Overheard by: Jessi-ca
Boss: So just use a black highlighter to mark—
Assistant: Black highlighter?
Boss: I meant ‘Sharpie.’ Yes, don’t ever get the two mixed up.
Herndon, Virginia
