Diet & Weight

Boss, about hot applicant for receptionist post: We can't hire her.
HR: Why not?
Boss: She'll get me in trouble.
HR: Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu…
Boss: Diet? More like a fast.

St. Louis, Missouri

Secretary: Are you gonna have a little bambino?
Slightly overweight patient: Uh, no. Just had a few too many cookies.
Secretary: Are you sure? Maybe I know something you don't.
Slightly overweight patient: I am unable to conceive.

Rochester, New York

Grunt #1: How much do you think a golf ball weighs?
Grunt #2: Over a pound, easy.

125 Corporate Office Center
Earth City, Missouri

Overheard by: Matt

Chick: Dude, you’re such a poser. You talk about food all day long and then go home and eat salad. You’re not a real fatty like me. Talk to me when you join the club.

500 West 4th Street
Winston-Salem, North Carolina

Funny boss to admin: Sugar turns into fat and it just sits…in your butt!

Omaha, Nebraska

News producer, holding a bachelorette party: Who the hell counts calories on a penis sucker?

Jackson, Mississippi

Peon: Rice belly would jiggle. Beer belly would, like, wobble hard.

King Street East
Toronto
Canadia

Overheard by: Thank you, sensei

Sales guy: I made a pie once.
Assistant: Okay, I bite. What kind of pie did you make?
Sales guy: An apple one.
Assistant: Did it come out of a box?
Sales guy: No, I made it. All by myself. But it was really heavy. It must have been about ten pounds. I think I was stoned. This was back in like 1972… I just remember it was really heavy. I think it was about four inches thick.

Charlotte, North Carolina

Office worker #1: I'm so damn hungry, I need real food.
Office worker #2: Yeah, I can imagine that liquid diet wouldn't be too filling or satisfying.
Office worker #2: I feel like I'm an African refugee.

Chantilly, Virginia

Co-worker: My fiance and I are going to LA this weekend, and I’m trying to lose a pound or two before then so my friends don’t think I’m pregnant.

1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, California