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We May Have to Drop the Three Stooges Training Films

Inspector: We were in the middle of the health and safety conference, and a fire broke out in the lift.
Call center girl: Really? My god! What happened?!
Inspector: Everyone started to run, but the hallway was really narrow so we got stuck.
Call center girl: Oh my god, what happened?!
Inspector: The fire brigade just opened the fire doors in the conference room. Mr. Lawry* wants to see us now.
Call center girl: So why do you have to go see Mr. Lawry?
Inspector: I think we’re doing more training…

Wembley Road
Wembley
England

So How Long You Been With the Escort Service?

Southern woman: No! You suck the head because that’s where all the juice is!
Confused employee #1: I thought your shirt said “Bite the head off and eat the meat!”
Confused employee #2: What the fuck are you sadistic bitches talking about?
Southern woman (laughing): Crawdads! I’m talking about crawdads!

West Fargo, North Dakota

Overheard by: Orion

Why Many of Us Speak Only for Our Own Amusement

Grunt: I’m sorry, Rick*. You’re gonna have to start over. I completely zoned out. I saw you standing there, and I heard you talking, and it sounded great, but…

10877 Watson Road
St. Louis, Missouri

He and Roy Orbison Stalk Her Nightmares Like Tag Team Wrestlers

Manager: Sorry I’m late. I was upstairs looking for pictures of Conway Twitty to print and scare Marie with. He’s her Freddie Kruger.

Kanawha Boulevard West
Charleston, West Virginia

Overheard by: CubReporter

I Know That’s Hard to Swallow, But It’s True

Engineer on phone with supplier: Well, I didn’t mean to cram Siemens down your throat.

5th Avenue
Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

…By the Women at ASU

Programmer (shouting and thrusting both arms up): Yeah!
Boss: Oh, did you get the stored procedure working?
Programmer: No, Arizona State was voted #1 for hottest women.

Hampton Avenue
Mesa, Arizona

Overheard by: Chris Cardinal

Except Occasionally in My Life-Action Roleplaying Games

Guy #1: Shouldn’t you know?
Guy #2: Dude, I don’t know anything. I’m not a Sultan.

West Greenwich, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Stan

Which, Granted, Is Kinda Hot

Woman cube dweller: How many cups of coffee have you had already? It's only 9 am!
Man cube dweller: Not sure… probably the equivalency of five or six, but I'm not real sure because once the cup is half empty I go and fill it again… Why… Why… Why?
Woman cube dweller: Because you're racing…
Man cube dweller: Yeah, not gonna lie starting to get the shakes a bit, and am tweaking…
Woman cube dweller: Yeah, you're about to tweak all over your pants.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Dom

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He Should Have Told Her to Wait on the Tracks for the Free Train

Metro Official: Ma'am, you have to pay.
Old Lady: I don't want to pay, I want to ride the train.
Metro Official: You have to pay to ride the train.
Old Lady: Well, you're a bastard and I'm not paying.
Metro Official: You have to pay to ride, ma'am.
Old Lady: Fuck you, and the damn train you rode in on!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: Sarah

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Right, Well, No Worries Then. Carry On.

Supervisor: We've had a complaint against you! Did you call Rose* a bitch?
Factory worker: No! I did not call her a bitch! (pause) I called her a fucking bitch!

Melbourne
Australia

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