Male colleague to another, discussing fantasy football: You cannot make me happy unless you release all of your Johnsons.
Wilmington, Massachusetts
Male colleague to another, discussing fantasy football: You cannot make me happy unless you release all of your Johnsons.
Wilmington, Massachusetts
Coworker, about new Twitter follower: Never mind, I thought it was a hooker.
Amarillo, Texas
Overheard by: Gina
Cubicle mate on phone: Yeah, that’s so me. Wait, now what is this called? Well I’d rather be a dog walker than a porn star!
Topeka, Kansas
Coworker, gesticulating in front of window: The sun'll come out, tomorrow, betcher bottom… Oh my god, somebody just saw me do that.
Fordham University
Manhattan, New York
Cube dweller: You sonofabitch, you’re getting a goddamn manicure! If you don’t, I’m going to rip your goddamn nails off, because you don’t deserve them!
Office, Soho
New York, New York
Overheard by: Nervous Co-worker
Coworker #1, dropping summer sausage for lunch: Hey, you want some of my sausage?
Coworker #2: Only if you wash it off first.
Bourbonnais, Illinois
Overheard by: the closet is my office
Shoe store girl #1: You look tired all the time.
Shoe store girl #2: Well, I think it’s my allergies. I’m allergic to cats and I like to rub mine on my face all the time.
Shoe store girl #1: Oh.
Northgate Mall
Seattle, Washington
Girl #1: How do you spell “apost to”?
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You know, like, “I’m apost to go the store.”
Girl #2: Do you mean “supposed to”?
Girl #1: Yeah. Is “apost to” not a real word?
111 E. Wacker Boulevard
Chicago, Illinois
Male coworker, as female places personal ad: Did you just say you were five years old?!
21135 Erwin Street
Woodland Hills, California
Office jokester: If one person calls you a jackass, that's their opinion. If ten people call you a jackass, get a saddle.
Office dullard: What's a saddle?
Cooper City, Florida
Overheard by: Knows what a saddle is
