Worker #1: Well, you’ll need to just put it in Lucy’s* box.
Worker #2: True… Is she here today?
Worker #1: Yes. Just go up to her office and put it in her box or ask her where else she wants it.
Worker #2: Her box is always so full! But I’ll dig around and find some room.
Bloomington, Indiana
Committee Lead: Okay, how about some pros for holding the picnic at the zoo?
Committee Member: Monkeys slinging poo!
20800 Harvard Road
Cleveland, Ohio
Female coworker #1, sobbing in bathroom: I can’t believe he’s dead!
Female coworker #2: Neither can I!
Female coworker #3: Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.
Senior female partner, entering bathroom: Having a bad day? [Coworkers #2 and #3 nod.] You know what works for me?
Female coworker #3: Oh… Yes? What would that be?
Senior female partner: I put one hand over my heart, and the other hand over my stomach. I breathe in deeply. I then say to myself, ‘I’m here. I’m right here, right now.’ It works every time! I feel better straight away! [Long silence, then] Okay, well, [waves goodbye and leaves].
Female coworker #3: Wow. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!
Collins Street
Melbourne
Australia
Agitated American Apparel cashier to another: Listen, if you're going to borrow my bodysuit, you have to wear a hygienic pad!
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Male coworker: You missed it! Devon* and I just had a staring contest in which we tried to figure out the color of each other’s eyes.
Female coworker: So, what was the verdict?
Male coworker: That it was too creepy, so we stopped.
1750 East Golf Road
Schaumburg, Illinois
Supervisor to manager: You know I’m leaving work early today, right?
Manager: That’s right… For what, again?
Supervisor: I’m getting my cat shaved.
(pause)
Supervisor: My cat… like, our pet cat. A feline.
Ambassador East Hotel
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: laughing one cubicle over
Co-worker: That’s it — I’m getting nose glasses.
2 Penn Plaza
New York, New York
Co-worker #1: If I sent the e-mail to [Duncan]’s BlueBerry, would he be able to open the attachment?
Co-worker #2: What’s a BlueBerry?
Co-worker #1: You know, a PDA. Everyone up there has them.
Co-worker #2: I thought those were BlackBerrys?
Co-worker #1: No, they are blue, the black ones are last seasons’s model. Look it up.
100 North 6th Street
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Jay
Co-worker #1: Are you going to the Christmas party?
Co-worker #2: No.
Co-worker #1: Why not?
Co-worker #2: Because I am going to a funeral.
Co-Worker #1: I would rather go to a funeral than this Christmas party.
3001 West Big Beaver Road
Troy, Michigan
